Twelve Months of the Year Re-Write
by ladierock
Summary: All Human: Rose and Dimitri are two people who live their lives simply going through the motions. What happens when the safe distance they keep between themselves grows smaller with each encounter? Updates As Often As Possible
1. Before The Year Started: Part 1

**Rose**

 _ **Before The Year Started...(Part 1)**_

This New Year's Eve party is pretty tame.

Compared to last year's anyway. I barely remember watching the ball drop on TV in some dive bar before passing out. This year it's comparably subdued. Still pretty loud though.

Maybe I'm more bothered by it because I'm actually single and pretty sober. I was too clear headed and alone which left me with way too much time to think. And I'm thinking long and hard about the fact that it's another New Year's Eve and, for the most part, nothing's changed. I'm still alone. Don't get me wrong, our house is packed to the brim with people and I'm surrounded by bodies but, as the old saying goes, that's sometimes the loneliest place to be.

"Where ya going, Ro?" Mia asked, breaking away from the boy toy she had been pretty much sucking the face off of since our little New Year's Eve party started. He seemed pretty annoyed that she stopped the tonsil hockey. The second guy, whose lap she was sitting on while she made out with the first guy, seemed just as peeved about the interruption than he was about the fact that he was being used as a chair while some other guy get off. Unless he was getting off in this somehow too...I shuddered. Ew. But no judgement. To each their own.

Neither of them had to worry for too long. Believe me. I was in no mood to stick around and watch Mia get lucky. I didn't wanna see this floor show. I just wanted to get the heck out of here.

"Gonna get some air. Maybe bum a smoke off of one of our _posh_ guests."

"I thought you quit?" she asked, concern lacing her voice even as he makeshift chair leaned in to nuzzle along her neck.

"Baby steps," I shrugged.

She didn't seem too pleased by my response but I guess a girl sandwiched between two guys in open view couldn't offer up too much judgement just then. If I knew Mia - and I do - she'd bring it up later. Allowing my answer to placate her enough and she nodded, immediately turning back to continue her foreplay with her two men for the night.

Liss, who had been curled up, sitting in earshot on the love-seat with Chris and a few of her classmates and coworkers watching one of the many New Year's Eve programs on TV, called out to me.

"You're going out?"

I stopped in my tracks, fighting the urge to huff in frustration. I know I'd been complaining about loneliness before but being nagged like a teenage by her mothers wasn't exactly an improvement.

"Yup," I answered shortly.

"Be careful, it's pretty cold outside. It started snowing."

"Yes, mom," I answered back.

She pursed her lips together, unamused. I stuck my tongue out to show her I wasn't too annoyed and she softened, offering her pageant smile until Christian drew her attention back to him and our moment was over. It seemed that was happening a lot lately.

I slid between other couples and clusters of people that Mia had invited over until I finally made it out the front door - grabbing my coat along the way - where the brisk air hit my face with an icy chill. I shuddered pulling my coat tighter around me. It didn't do much to help considering I was only wearing a strapless dress underneath with strappy heels to match. I bounced around outside for a while, swaying from one foot to the other trying to fight off the biting cold. There was no one else out here but me so I didn't even have a cigarette to warm me up from the inside.

Well this sucked.

I wasn't ready to go back inside just yet but I also had nowhere in particular to escape to.

My restlessness never seemed to completely ease. I could never settle myself into one spot long enough and not feel on edge. There was an undercurrent of anxiousness ebbing away at my nerves and it was getting a lot worse recently. It seemed wrong to abandon my own party, especially during a holiday where togetherness with loved ones was pretty much a necessity in order to celebrate. But it wouldn't be the first time I disappeared and bailed out. And I wasn't feeling much togetherness with everyone coupled up - or in Mia's case tripled up - for the here wasn't doing me any good but maybe just going out on a drive would calm me down. I had to get out of here. If I was going to feel alone, I may as well do it the right way.

* * *

 **Dimitri**

"I would have picked you up from the airport if you just called me, Dimka."

I was suddenly regretting ever having picked up the phone. There was a reason I didn't call. To avoid guilt calls like this.

"I managed to find my way back from the airport into the city on my own, Tasha. Like a big boy," I replied.

For a moment, I worried my tone was coming off pretty harsh but in all fairness, I'd just spent a little over twenty-four hours on a plane and in two different airports with thousands of other people stupid enough to fly during the holidays. What I wanted and needed was just a little peace and quiet before my life turned hectic again once the holidays ended.

Much to my relief - but not my surprise - Tasha didn't seem the least bit put off by my gruff attitude, used to it after all these years despite my time away. She laughed in that breezy way of hers. Any other day she would have ripped me a new one but since I'd been gone for over two years, I assumed she missed me and wanted to see me enough that she was letting me off unscathed and easy.

"Alright, alright. I was just worried. Everyone wants to see you. You should have just come back to the house," she chided.

I rolled my eyes at her nagging, barely biting my tongue enough to stop myself from reminding her that I was more than aware that the right thing to do after two years of traveling, of running away, would have been to come straight home.

The thing about people who run away though is that they're usually cowards when it comes to facing situations and people we'd rather avoid. I certainly fit that description.

"And I will. Eventually," I tacked on, guilt flowing through my veins.

I glanced down at the coffee I had bought in the airport, wishing with all my might that I'd stopped at one of the bars instead. I was gonna need something a lot stronger than lukewarm coffee in my system if she was going to spring a conversation like this on me within the hour I landed back on American soil.

She hadn't responded but I knew she was there, waiting for me offer one of my many pathetic excuses for an explanation.

"I just need some time," I finally admitted, trying out the truth for a change.

That particular excuse seemed to stun her into a silence so long that I checked my phone to see if we were still connected.

"Tash?" I called even though my phone showed the call hadn't ended or been disconnected. I waited, watching as the taxi drove away from airport and deeper into the heart of the city. Old warehouses and factories gave way to small, bungalow like homes. The further the taxi drive drove, the more upscale our surroundings became until we were in the Lights District where all the of the local bars and restaurants were drumming with music and brimming to full capacity with people.

"I understand, Dimka," Tasha finally spoke, a heavy laden sigh hushing over the phone. "And so do they. Just don't take too long, alright?"

By way of answering I said, "I'll call you soon once I settle in and everything...and eventually head over to the house."

"You better," she warned, her old no nonsense tone seeping into her voice. This was the Tasha I'd known and grown up with. Not that worried, badgering one. "Besides, you're gonna need me there. You'll need all the help you can get when you finally decided to talk to your family."

"I know," I agreed. "And I'm looking forward to it."

With that lie, I took the opportunity to end the call - with one final threat on her end to come looking for me if she didn't at the very least hear from me by the end of the week. It was warnings like those that I wished we lived in a bigger city. I rubbed tiredly at my eyes as I rested my head back against the headrest. I definitely needed something stronger than coffee. There were no bars nearby that I knew of.

While I knew - from experience mostly - that moping and guilt are not a good combination with drinking, I still craved one. It had been fifteen hours since my last drink, the longest I'd gone without in a long time. I just need a quick pick me up, something to hold me over, to ring in the New Year until reality settled in and I'd have to forego so much indulgence while I assimilated back into everyday life now that I was back. I knew that that was what every addict said, "Just one drink and I'll be good" but for the moment I didn't care.

I leaned toward the partition window separating me from the driver.

"You can stop at the next bar you see."

* * *

 **A/N: My fellow fanfictioners! I know its been over a year since I last touched this story but I finally have everything cleared up and sorted out and it doesn't hurt that work and school aren't kicking my butt any more. So here is the first update for the final rewrite. The summary is basically the same, two completely flawed people who just so happen to fall in love but other details have been changed and cleaned up. This was one of my longest stories and I wanted it to be as close to perfect as possible. I hope you guys are still with me and I welcome all the new readers and followers.**


	2. Before The Year Started: Part 2

**Rose**

 ** _Before The Year Started...(Part 2)_**

The bar I ended up at was a far cry from the more festive ones a few blocks over. I'd been here a few times before which was why I chose it. I knew it'd be comparatively quiet. Well that and other reasons.

A bar for lonely holiday souls.

It wasn't as packed full of people as one might have imagined on New Years eve but it was still pretty rowdy where tables of elderly men and women sat reminiscing and celebrating in their own way. I managed to find a seat at the bar, settling myself on one of the rickety stoles and ordering a beer from the bartender, Rob, as he drifted from one end of the counter to the other, taking orders, making drinks, and ringing up tabs all while watching the celebrations on TV. He was the only one really engrossed on the celebratory festivities. Everyone else in the bar, the patrons, all looked like they could use a stronger drink than the one's they were already having like me, looking for the answer to all of the world's problems at the bottle of a glass or bottle. I had yet to find any solutions there but I sure had fun looking.

I took a swig from my beer, wondering if I should dare order another, when someone took one of the last available stools next to me.

"Vodka," a man ordered as Rob idled over. "Strongest you have."

He settled one stool space away from me, his duffel bag sitting between us as he gulped the drink down in one gulp. He nursed the cup as the bartender poured him another and then instructed, "Leave the bottle."

It was a large bottle but, from the look on his face, I had no doubt that he was well on his way to polishing it off. Hmm. I guess a lot of people were having a rough night. I couldn't for the life of me understand why. It's New Years Eve. People either outrageously celebrate or quietly acknowledge it. I knew why I was so down. What was everyone else's excuse?

As if the universe had been waiting for a cue and found one, a reminder of why exactly I was having a drink alone in an out of the way bar ringing in the new year appeared beside me. Well, her perfume hit me full force first but then she appeared, her usual mix of annoyance, irritation, and drunkenness obvious on her worn face. I cringed, folding my shoulder's forward hoping beyond reason that I'd somehow had too many drinks, imagined her, and she'd just disappear. Of course I'd never had much luck with hoping. Of course she was here. I knew the risks when I came here to this bar specifically. I knew the odds of running into one of the frequent patrons who knew me. I came here any way.

I turned to face Celeste. The woman was in her late sixties at the least dressed in bright floral colors, jeans, and enough makeup to give _me_ a run for my money. She took a long drag on her cigarette before billowing the smoke out of one side of her mouth before sipping at the amber drink in her other hand.

"Why do you keep coming here?" she greeted me, friendly as ever.

"Last time I checked I was an adult and living in a free country," I quipped back.

She scoffed. "Adult? You're disrespectful attitude says a lot. Childish as ever," she mutters, glancing away as though she couldn't be less interested in talking to me but not real moves to actually leave.

"I could say the same about you," I tossed back.

She shakes her head, her silver, fluffy hair swaying as she did so, narrowing her eyes over the rim of her glass. "I knew you'd end up like this: bitter, alone, living in the past..."

"Guess we really are related," I mumble, tipping the bottle back and hoping this swig will be enough for me to blacken out into oblivion. I haven't hear nearly enough drinks, though, and beer certainly wasn't strong enough. "Now if I could age myself a _thousand_ years, get rid of any traces of my soul, and learn how to survive as a witch in everyday life we'd be twins."

"Little drunken bitch," I heard Celeste curse bitterly.

"If that isn't that cat calling the kettle black I don't know what is. I am definitely not drunk enough for this conversation." Without any cigarettes handy, I needed something to do the trick. To take the edge off.

"Just like your mother."

There wasn't even a second of hesitation as I tossed me beer up, its contents splashing out and onto my intended target. We _really_ must be related because for an older woman, her reflexes were faster than I anticipated. Before the first drips of beer fell from her makeup laden face, her palm was up and whipped across my face unexpectedly hard for someone who looked so frail. At the risk of missing an opportunity to hit me, she had allowed her glass to shatter against the bar's floor, drawing even more attention from the spectators already watching us with rapt interest.

"Whoa! You know the rules, Celeste," Rob barked. "Out," he ordered. She didn't move. She stool still glaring down at me, the fierceness in her eyes unyielding and unwavering.

"Just like old times, huh?" I tossed at her.

Her stony exterior faltered. Just for a second but I saw it. When she didn't make to leave, Rob repeated his order. "Now. Out."

The fact that I had thrown my drink in her face didn't seem to matter. Rob had been tending bar here probably before even Celeste had been born. He was used to our encounters and her eventual outburst. He always allowed her back in though. I figured it was because he knew as much as I did that, much like me, she had nowhere else to go.

After one long, linger glare directed first at Rob and then at me she left, smoky cigarette cloud and all.

"Here," Rob tossed me the rag from his shoulder that he had been wiping the bar down with. Napkins were scarce here. I took it with an embarrassed and apologetic smile.

"Thanks."

He nodded once. "Just cool it next time," he warned. "You know better than that. Don't let her get to you."

I did know better. I should have been used to it by now but the women had a gift for knowing just what to say at the wrong time to get under my skin. I nodded my ascent and he tossed another rag on the floor covering the spot where my beer had spilled off of her face before he and the other patrons returned to what they'd been doing now that the brief excitement died down. A few of their eyes lingered as though they thought I might jump off my stool any moment and go after her. I didn't. I brushed my finger along my cheek and winced. It was more sore than I thought with a bit of a heated sting.

It hurt more than it should have. I almost wanted to cry. Not so much from the slap but everything that had happened in general. I sniffled once and straightened up as Rob slid another beer my way without even looking. After the last few minutes of trouble I was in definite need of a extra strength poison.

Without even thinking twice about it I slid my duffel bagged bar buddy's glass from his hand, poured myself a full glass of the Vodka bottle he'd requested, and chugged it like it was nobodies business.

* * *

 **Dimitri**

It was an odd sense of relief, almost surreal to find out that while I'd been on the other side of the world, _this_ side still had their share of problems. I also found it ironic that while trying to escape my own family problems, I stumbled right into witnessing someone else's.

For a moment, an instant so small that I think if I had blinked - and definitely if I hadn't been staring so blatantly at her - I would have missed it, the young woman looked hurt. Her obvious embarrassment instantly morphed from her face and darkened. She shifted from defensive to offensive by tossing the drink into the older woman's face.

She didn't just look hurt. She look angry, hardened as though another layer was just added to her rough exterior. It was only an instant. In the next second she blinked and her face was impassive, calm, her lips relaxed and her dark eyes shimmered with moisture before she blinked again and then it was gone. She sat there expressionless as though the last few minutes hadn't happened.

Her hand snaked out for the bottle I had asked for as though it had always been hers. She poured herself a drink from the glass she easily maneuvered out from my hands. I silently watched as she gulped the eighty proof Vodka like water, either ignoring or accustomed to the sting undoubtedly scorching her throat. If anyone deserved to indulge in this liquid slice of heaven and hell - even if the bottle wasn't hers - it was this girl. She set the glass down in front of her with an almost relieved sigh. She lifted her hand to touch the side of her face that had been slapped again. I reached my own arm out to stop her.

"Careful. I think she got you with her ring."

She turned to me, her face furrowed in confusion before she turned toward the bar, trying to catch her reflection in the mirrored wall.

"Is it bad?"

Old habits dying hard, I tilted her chin up, examining her the way a doctor would a patient. I prodded her cheekbone above and below the welt and the laceration on her face before deciding. "It should heal alright. Let's get some ice on it though," I advised.

The bartender had disappeared into the back room before I could ask for a cup of ice. I dumped the ice from my glass into the cloth he had given her, hoping the alcohol disinfected anything on it, and wrapped it into a small pack. I offered it to her and she accepted it with the barest of thankful smiles before pressing it to her face.

I was now seated in such a way on my stool that I was directly facing the dark haired beauty. Now that she sat quiet, thoughtful and lost in the memory of her previous interaction, she seemed like an entirely different person than the quick witted, fierce feline that I'd just witnessed before. Her gaze flicked up for a quick second, meeting my own. She smiled, almost shyly. The timid expression didn't match the aggressive being I'd observed moments ago. She lifted a shoulder in a shrug and heaved a heavy sigh.

"Family, amiright?" she murmured. "Oddly enough, this was one of our better encounters."

I couldn't help the brief chuckle that escaped me. "I'd hate to see one of your worse ones."

"It's pretty much a nightmare," she described.

This girl and I had a lot in common. "I know the feeling," I sympathized as I refilled our shared glass and took a sip before handing it to her. I knew the risks of sharing a glass with a stranger in an unknown bar. I just didn't care at the moment. After spending months working out of tents, treating open wounds sans gloves and proper sterile equipment, sleeping on nothing more than solid dirt that acted as both a public bathroom and farm animals' pathways, this was nothing. She didn't seem to mind to much either because she drank from the glass, sipping it this time.

"Thanks for letting me snag a drink from your bottle."

"Didn't really feel like I had a choice in the matter," I responded. She smiled, the barest wisp of a smile. "But you're welcome. Considering the way your night seems to be going, if there's anyone that needs to steal a drink from a thirty dollar bottle of Vodka, it's you. Plus you're on the small size. How much of this large bottle could you possibly put away," I teased, hoping I didn't offend her in some way.

Her face split into a coy smile. "You'd be surprised. Lemme buy this round and the next and I'll prove it to you."

I shook my head adamantly. "It's on me."

"I'll pay half then," she offered.

"No, really, it's fine."

"I'm sure you didn't come here to share a thirty dollar bottle of liquor with a stranger and treat her wounds," she insisted.

"Treating wounds is my job so don't feel too bad about that," I answered. "As for the bottle, I didn't plan on sharing," I admitted. I looked her over, taking into account _who_ I was sharing with, I definitely didn't mind. "I don't mind, though," I said aloud. My night could be going much worse. All things considered, I think it's going fairly well."

She exhaled another small laugh and nodded in agreement as her eyes roamed over my face. "I think it's going fairly well too."

The noise from the television and the small group of patrons talking animatedly in two far corners of the bar dulled to a low roar in the background as we sat there. For a while, neither of us said anything. We'd take turns sipping the Vodka from the same glass despite the bartender sliding us another one. Her taste lingered on the glass, reminiscent of the beer she'd had before and the sweet flavor of the gloss adorning her lips. The scent wafting off her was just as sweet and permeated the air around us, mixing with the faint aroma of cigarettes, peanuts, and staleness. If there was ever a scenario I imagined myself spending my first night back, it certainly wasn't this.

I couldn't complain too much. Regardless of the setting, the circumstances, and the previous incident, I was having a drink with a beautiful woman. What more could I ask for?

After the first few passes of the glass we continued talking.

"So you're a doctor." It was more statement than question since I'd given myself away earlier.

I nodded. "Yes...well...I was. Not so much anymore," I rambled. "As of today, I'm taking a break for a while."

"Can you do that?"

I laughed, the innocent intonation in her voice amusing. "Yes. We can do that," I answered.

She shook her head as though realizing how odd a question that had been. "I meant, just because you're taking a break for a while, does that mean you stop being a doctor."

"For the time being, I certainly hope so," I answered tipping the glass back before going for another refill. I was worn down and worn out. I needed this break and the last thing I wanted was to identify myself as a doctor at the risk of anyone asking me for treatment.

"Well then I'm sorry you had to put your skills to use your first night off duty," she apologized, hanging her head as that layer of shame clouded over her eyes. Just like before, the hurt and embarrassment was fleeting. She blinked them away, replacing her emotions with a hardened stare.

"It was for a good cause. Patching up a gorgeous woman? Of course I had to put my skills to use," I replied, hoping to ebb any underlying doubt away. This conversation was supposed to be light and fun. I intended to keep it that way, far from any heavy emotions like the shame and embarrassment she was masking so well. Or my own issues for that matter.

Her head tilted up at my compliment but she didn't react right away. A beauty like her probably heard things like that all the time.

"Gorgeous woman," she repeated before gracing me with another smile, the slightest bit bigger this time. "You don't know what it means to hear that right now." No I didn't but I had an inkling. I'd heard everything her relative, Celeste, spewed, and none of it had been kind. My self esteem had been knocked down a peg or two by the old woman's words and she hadn't even been talking to me.

"It's the truth," I shrug as I slide the glass her way and she sips. She holds it between her hands, resting it on her knees as she stares down at the clear liquid and I stare at her. She's small in stature, especially slightly folded in on herself like this, but she had been so aggressive and full of strength when she stood up to the woman who cursed her, I knew this couldn't be the only side to this woman and I was curious to see more of it, see more of her.

I leaned over the stool separating us, shoving my duffel onto the floor in the process, and took the glass from her hands. I set in on the counter top and took a chance that I wouldn't come off as too forward or aggressive as I slid my palms under her own. She looked up, both surprised and confused as what move I was making. She stood, seeming to sense what I wanted and making it even easier for me to reach for her as she rounded the stool between us and slid onto it. She was close enough that the ends of her waist long hair brushed against my forearms, ticking my skin. Her eyes were even darker up close, warring between the darkest shade of chocolate and sable; her skin tone matched my own, surprising considering how little sun these parts got, especially this time of year.

"You're stunningly beautiful."

Her reaction was immediate this time around. I don't know if she could hear the sincerity in my words or if she just needed to believe them right now. Either way she embraced the compliment with glimmering eyes and the biggest smile so far. And, in a welcome and brazen move, she embraced me. She leaned forward, our difference in height such a hindrance even with the aid of her bar stool. She ended up standing and I welcome her warmth with open arms. Her lips were as smooth as I'd imagined them to be, full and feather like against my own. She pulled back too quickly for my liking and for me to have time to react.

I kept my eyes level with hers, barely resisting the urge to allow my gaze to linger downward, drifting to where cleavage was visible now that she was standing close and straight up and her coat had shifted open slightly. I could see that her dress was skin tight beneath her thin overcoat, revealing every curve imaginable underneath. I must have slipped up my gaze failing because she shook her head bemusedly smiling at my lack of willpower. While my hands wrapped around her waist, she tilted my chin up the same way I'd done to her before so that she'd have my full attention.

"At the risk of sounding like every woman in every bar ever that's ever kissed a stranger...I don't usually do this," she hedged, nervousness inching into her voice. She stepped as close as the stool and my legs would allow before I opened them and she stepped forward. Her hands slid easily around my shoulders and up behind my neck. When she spoke, she had the confidence of the same woman that had faced the older woman head on, her lips a paper length away from my own. "Do you have any specific plans for you first night as an off duty doctor?" She immediately fell into a fit of laughter as the question left her mouth. "That sounded like a really bad pickup line."

I laughed along with her, the lightheartedness and the alcohol getting the better of me. "It sounded fine."

Before I could give her my answer, one of the older gentlemen, a trucker from the way he was dressed that had been sitting in the back had apparently approached the bar, waiting as the bartender mixed a couple of drinks and uncapped a couple of bears. He gave the unnamed woman in my arms a slow appraisal before he spoke.

"I certainly wouldn't mind your company, sweetheart," he started. "If he don't take you up on it," he grinned with a hoarse cackle that increased in volume with the glare I shot him over her shoulder. I glanced down at her. She was nonplussed barely even sparing him a glance from the corner of her eye, focusing her unblinking gaze on me.

"I don't think he's that stupid," she responded still without even a glance his way. That confidence, the lust in the depths of her eyes and coy smile was all the push and convincing I needed. Eventually the trucker took the hint and ambled on, leaving the two of us in our locked gaze. It was up to me to decide how this would end. There was certainly no way I was going to give the opportunity up. I wanted her as mine for the night.

"So, Mr. Off Duty Doctor. Any plans?" She pressed herself closer against me, as though I may need anymore convincing that I already had. I gave her waist the slightest squeeze in affirmation and her gaze brightened, pleased, before I gave voice to my obvious answer.

"No, I don't have any plans, other than with you I hope."

Now _that_ was a bad line. If her amusement was anything to go by she seemed to be in agreement but a dark cloud of desire danced in her eyes, hopefully matching my own.

Maybe this is what I needed. My last irresponsible hurrah before I faced everything I've been running from. It _is_ New Year's Eve. I know this wasn't even the slightest bit close to what I had in mind when I'd told Tasha I'd need some time. But this was something I wanted, craved, and definitely needed. This could be my own, private, welcome home party. What's a couple of hours more of distraction, a little bit more time to run and hide, even just for a little while? Because it didn't matter now that the rest of the evening was looking up.

I can resolve myself to a fresh start tomorrow.


	3. Before The Year Started: Part 3

**Rose**

 ** _Before The Year Started...(Part 3)_**

Classically handsome. That's the most accurate description. Someone out of one of those old westerns I used to watch on TV or off the cover of one of Lissa's romance covers which were always much more tasteful than Mia's sexed up harlequin books that she bought at the grocery store. Maybe even rugged. He certainly dressed the part, donning a denim button down that hugged the mountain of muscles on his arms and green travel pants with too many pockets to count.

A sharp nose and an angular jawline with broad shoulders and a pretty big frame to match. Everything else about him, what really drew me in, were the parts of him that were soft: his eyes, gentle orbs so hazel bright I could see myself reflected in their pools, and his voice that drew butterflies to my stomach - for the first time since I was a teenager - when he called me beautiful. Oh and his touch. His touch was almost disbelievingly soft coming from a man of his size.

Could this man be real or did Celeste slap me into an alternate reality where the universe took pity on me and sent me the man of my dreams?

His hold on my hand felt pretty damn real as we traipsed out of the bar just as midnight struck, the new year rolling in, and into the brisk night air. I glance back the bar I had walked to a little over an hour ago. If any of the regulars and poor Rob had been any attention to my little interaction with my new handsomely tall friend, I wouldn't be able to show my face in there any time soon. Or ever if I had to risk seeing Celeste again. I forced all thoughts that distracted me from the man pulling my hand behind him as he hailed a taxi to that safe corner in the back of my mind where all of my least favorite thoughts and memories were stored.

No reminiscing, no wallowing, no sadness whatsoever. Tonight was about forgetting. For as long as this guy was willing to distract me.

"Are you ever going to tell me your name?" I asked him as we waited for the traffic light to change and a cab to roll by. "I've sort of been alternating between calling you Mr. Handsome and Mr. Odd in my head all night," I admitted, my liquid adrenaline rush ridding me of any kind of filter. I thought about calling him just 'Doctor' but that seemed a little provocative at the moment.

"Mr. Odd?" he asked, intrigues.

"Yeah," I answered as though it should have been obvious. "Off duty doctor," I explained. He chuckled as though he couldn't believe the silly things coming out of my mouth as much as I could.

"Well I apologize for not formally introducing myself before. I'm not usually so rude," he playfully scolded himself. Regrettably he released his hold on my hand I immediately felt the loss of his his warmth. I was about to step forward, into his hold but he extended a long arm out. "Dimitri, off duty doctor." The name rolled off his tongue in a soft purr, a fain lilt revealing itself. Dimitri was already attractive. The accent was just a bonus. The name fit him to a tee. Strong, sturdy, and unbelievably sexy.

I took note that he only offered his first name. Whether it was to keep an impersonal level between us, I wasn't sure but it reassured me about one thing, that tonight was just about having fun, celebrating the new year in our own way. I could walk out of this without any qualms about it not being serious. Flirty, simple, and fun were going to be the themes for tonight and I planned on sticking to it.

I took his hand in my own, lacing our fingers together so that he wouldn't let go this time. "Rose. No title."

He suppressed a laugh as he lifted our clasped hands and pressed a feather light kiss along my knuckles meeting my unwavering eyes until the traffic light changed and the honk of traffic blew by, startling us out of our bubble. Considering the time of night and the part of town we were in, it was easy hailing a cab. Ever the gentleman he held the door open and allowed me to slide in first.

"Where to?" the cabby inquired.

"Are you comfortable coming to my place?" A cab ride away from getting me into bed and he's risking his chances to ensure my comfort? Perfection in its purest form. I didn't even hesitate. Lissa would be so disappointed if she knew.

"Sounds perfect." He gave the cabby an address that sounded further away than my place would have been but I didn't mind. I _couldn't_ mind. I was about to get lucky and I certainly didn't want it to happen in a house full of people where too many questions would be asked. "My place would have been closer," I explained, squeezing myself close to him. "But my roommates are having a party tonight and they'd kill me if I brought some stranger home with me," I added, embarrassed that I was fearful of being scolded for trying to have a one night stand.

His dark chocolate hair drifted around his face as the wind flowed through the open cab's window. He looked at me, looking both amused and intrigued. "And they'd be alright knowing you went to the stranger's place instead?" he asked, tucking my hair back from my face, careful of the scratch and mark to my cheek that Celeste's slap had left.

"What they don't know won't kill them," I shrugged, moving in to nuzzle my face into the tender sweet spot on his neck that most guys seem to melt for. My movements were sort of a promise, a little preview, of things to come.

"I could be a murderer for all you know," he laughed nervously as though suddenly concerned with the fact that I was willing to go home with him, a stranger.

"You're killing my mood here, bro," I mumbled nibbling at a particularly sensitive spot just below his ear. He shuddered beneath me, lifting his hands to my waist to keep me from moving myself completely over him. "Is this you're way of telling me you're a killer or something?" Because if it was, considering the spark between us, I was willing to take my chances. I wanted, needed, and craved this; being with someone for just one night who was capable of convincing me I was truly as beautiful as he said I was. The earnestness in his eyes had been my undoing. Besides, I read people remarkably well - liquored up or not - and I didn't have any warning bells going off in my head about this guy.

"Of course not but I'm just curious," he pressed. "You're okay with the fact that you're going off with me, a guy you just met in a bar. You said you don't do this often. How often is not often?"

I pulled back, resisting the urge to sigh. There was a lot more conversation going on right then than I wanted there to be. Maybe he just wanted to save all the foreplay for his place. "Why does it matter?"

"It doesn't," he answered. "I just want to know that if you've done this before, then you're okay with this not turning into anything serious," he elaborated.

I almost laughed outright. Instead I suppressed it, pushing my hair back from my face and smiling. Could he be anymore perfect? "Something serious with a guy I met just an hour or so ago?" I teased and he seemed to relax a bit having been tense while waiting for my response. He didn't want this to be anything serious any more than I did.

"Just had to check."

"I think you and I are going to get along just fine tonight, Dimitri."

We shared a smile, both of us ease and in state of temporary bliss for the rest of the ride to his place. We didn't exchange anything else about ourselves the rest of the ride, the way I preferred it. Now, if we could get through the rest of this evening solely based on sex - our mouths occupied with various parts of each others bodies - then I'll consider it a successful New Year's Eve.

The drive, quiet but not uncomfortable, gave me time to think, to consider how I'd feel after all of this was over, how I felt every time I did something like this. I'd regret and hate myself and try to forget it. But for right now, I needed this. Was it that sense of loneliness that had been looming over my head the last couple of days as Liss and Mia planned the New Year's Eve party? Probably. But for the next couple of hours or however long it took for this dude to get me off, I wasn't going to put too much thought into my willingness to hop into bed with random strangers. I can't explain it but I definitely needed this.

My phone vibrated in my purse but I didn't bother picking it up. I already knew it was Liss and she was worried. I let it ring until it went to voicemail and shot her a quick text, Dimitri having grown occupied with a message on his own phone, all the while massaging his hand methodically slow, up and down my bare knee, testing the limits of my dress as the cabby continued to drive.

 ** _Met up with Masen and Eddie. Be back tomorrow_**

Those weren't her favorite people in the world but they were the only two people I knew that weren't already partying the night away at our house. She sent a text back but if I read it, I knew that the odds of guilt sinking in and deciding to go home were too damn high. I needed this. I turned my phone off and tossed it into the bottom of my bag. Reality could wait until tomorrow morning. For now, I was on a mission.

We stopped in the upscale area close to the coast, populated with ritzy lofts and town-homes. I'd always loved the pier and the beach itself. It was other worldly to me, a place easy for me to stare off into the distance out over the ocean, pretending there wasn't an chaotic and polluted city behind me. The driver turned down a narrow roadway where only a couple of houses sat looming over the cliff side, blessed with the view of the ocean and the glittering city along the east. I quickly paid the driver - arguing that Dimitri had paid for the drinks back at the bar - and quickly got out to stared up at the house. It wasn't large by any means but it was beautiful and pretty surprising considering the way he dressed and the older Range Rover sitting in his driveway. Despite knowing he was a doctor, even an off duty one, and went around ordering thirty dollar bottles of Vodka, I got the impression that he wasn't they type to reap the wealth of his profession. I guess that's why you should never judge people based on their appearances.

I mean my mother used to dress like a homeless gypsy and she lived in the suburbs her entire life.

"I only come here a couple of times a year," he says as the cab driver pulls away and he comes to stand beside me still staring up at the house and the view it provided. I jumped, startled but glad to pulled away from any lingering thoughts about my mother when I was doing my damnedest to forget her, Celeste, and anything else that wasn't Dimitri and our night ahead. "I forget how beautiful it is myself, sometimes."

He lead the way past the white picket fence and the flower bed that had seen better days even in the moist seaside air.

I glanced at the duffel on his shoulder as he struggled to find the right key to his front door in the dark. "You travel a lot for work as a _doctor_?" I found myself asking, despite my earlier pledge to keep the sharing of details to a minimum.

"Locum Tenens," he answered as though I should automatically know what that meant. He stopped fighting the multiple keys on his key chain long enough to read the confused expression on my face. "I'm a doctor without borders. I travel to different countries to offer free treatment and aid to poorer nations."

Attractive, slight accent, well mannered, doctor who went around saving starving families and patching up the sick in horrid conditions? If I wasn't so currently anti-relationship this would definitely have to be something between us whether he liked it or not.

"Are you and angel?" I blurted out before I could stop myself. His laughter was deep as he continued the good fight against his keys and the front door.

"I can assure you, I'm not."

"Really? Cause you almost sound too good to be true." I almost wanted to believe that he was just lying to impress me but given his clothes and no creepy, liar vibe coming off of him, I had to trust he was telling the truth. "I can totally see it though," I nodded, looking him over for about the hundredth time that night. "A do good-er volunteer trying to save the world one patient at a time type. The comfy traveling cargo pants, the duffel, the unnatural long hair that no real company would let you get away with," I listed. "It all makes sense now."

That earned a small smile out of him. It was nice and a little disarming, even for a small one. "Well I'm glad I fit the image."

He finally managed to open his front door, turning on a small hallway lamp and I barely prevented myself from drooling at the sight presented to me. Amazing wasn't even an appropriate enough word to explain the house I'd just walked into. It was everything I'd dreamed of whenever I fantasized about living anywhere but in the suburbs: high ceilings, dim lighting, state of the art kitchen, floor-to-ceiling windows with a view so high above the ground and the cliff-side, if I laid on the floor looking up, I could almost believe I was flying. Furniture was sparse but still fit well enough into the apartment that it looked nice. Almost like a staged apartment that were in those housing magazines Lissa left lying around our house lately.

"If you're really a murderer and you've just lured me to you're evil lair, I wouldn't mind dying in a place like this."

Closing the front door behind him, he dropped his duffel into a closet near the doorway.

"I'm sure your roommates would be happy to hear that," he said facetiously as he wandered toward the kitchen.

They wouldn't be but they'd certainly be willing to admit that it's a step up from the nightclubs and dope houses they used to worry I would die in. I shook my head, distracting myself with the rest of the house. I dropped my purse beside a chair - that was way too nice to be used for anything other than display - walking further into the open floor plan living room, taking it all in. There was that nice mix of wood mixed with the scent of the salty sea air. There was a thin layer of dust on everything but the place was pretty well kept.

"Would you like something drink? Maybe some ice for that cheek," he offered.

I waved it off. I'd had much worse. "It'll heal."

He shook his head, smiling slightly. I guess my nonchalance surprised and amused him but I was fine. It'd heal just all the other times on its own.

"Can I get you anything else then?" He offered as he went around to each window, flinging the shutters and sills open welcoming in a cool breeze.

"Other than an application for medical school? No, I'm good," I replied.

He tossed me one of his smiles that spread his cheeks high enough revealing the smallest of dimples at his chin. My heart fluttered simultaneously with my stomach and I almost through myself at him right then and there. How could he be so handsome, charming, and boyishly cute all at the same time?

"So, what _do_ you do?" he asked as he finished opening the last of the windows.

"Swapping details now, are we?" I asked sort of teasingly. Regardless of the fact that we didn't need to know that much about each other, the thought of telling this well put together specimen of a man that I wasn't out saving the world, one cough at a time, was embarrassing. He seemed so worldly and put together while I was just a mess in every sense of the word.

"Seems only fair since you know I'm a doctor."

"True," I conceded, failing to point out that he'd inadvertently offered up what he did for a living all on his own. "Or we can just avoid the small talk, maybe find better uses for our mouths."

One side of said mouth lifted up along with his brows, shocked and humored by my suggestion. Even _I_ wasn't quite sure where this bravado was coming from. I suspected the alcohol. It was usually the alcohol. The adrenaline coursing through me body in anticipation of what lay ahead wasn't helping much either. Dimitri didn't seem to put off by my forwardness, thankfully. He was probably growing used to it by now.

"Humor me," he pressed, his lopsided smirk still in place.

I sighed dramatically, disappointed that he wasn't letting me out of disclosing my lackluster job. "I'm a glorified errand girl," I admitted as I walked as close to the floor to ceiling windows as the glass would let me. The clouds blocked the moon just enough so that a sliver of white light illuminated the beach shore.

"And what exactly is a glorified errand girl?" he asked sounding both confused and amused.

"I work for a temp service, mostly as a personal assistant, secretarial work but my jobs involve less actual office work and more stops to the dry cleaners or car wash," I elaborated with a sigh. "Nothing fancy but it pays the bills when I'm between shifts at the diner, catering gigs, dog walking, you name it."

His silence drew me away from the view before me. I turned to look at him as he lifted the last of the sheet covers off of the furniture. "Wow. Sounds like a lot to take on."

I shrugged, dismissively. "It is what it is."

He didn't need to know that I worked so many jobs because getting a college education and any chances at a better career for myself were out the question for me. I barely graduated high school and didn't have the slightest idea of what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. For the time being I helped Liss pay for school, the bills around the house and whatever else we needed. Deciding not to dwell so much on my plight, I decided to keep things light and on an upbeat note.

"But if I were to take anything out of this little encounter of ours, I definitely need to look into becoming a doctor," I jested, eliciting another of his small smiles out of him. I turned back toward the windows, gesturing out as though he couldn't see the view his home provided. "I mean _WOW!_ It's amazing," I exclaimed. "Just beautiful."

I listened to his footsteps as he crossed the room to approach me. He stood behind me, his hands at my waist as he pulled me back against him.

"I agree," he spoke, his voice a soft low hum in my ear. "Just beautiful."

I trembled at his words. It was the fifth or so time he'd called me beautiful tonight and believed him. Not as a ploy to get me into bed but as absolute fact that he thought me beautiful and that I needed telling so. The sentiment certainly didn't hurt to hear. He smelt and felt too good to be true. A thing layer of the usual aroma's from the bar permeated the air between us but underneath he had the unmistakable heady smell of a man who spent a great deal of time under the sun and the outdoor woodsy scent of his cologne. His hold, firm at my hips, was comforting and exhilarating as though he belong here, right against me, had been in this position before and didn't plan on letting go any time soon.

I could live with that.

His hands slid the length of my waist, trailing up until he reached the lapels of my charcoal coat at my shoulders, ready to tug it off. His eyes never left my own as though expecting me to stop him at any moment. I assuredly wasn't going to. I wanted to see tonight through as much as he did. Did I want more time to take in a view that I'd probably never see again? Yes. I'd have to remember to make time for that before I skedaddled out of here the next morning.

For now, this is what I wanted the most.

* * *

 **Dimitri**

It was unexpected how much I was both attracted and intrigued by her looks and sense of humor. But I was and I was finding it more difficult with each passing second to remember at the end of tonight, it'd be better to maintain indifference. We were both here for reasons of our own, to escape and lose our selves in someone else. Maybe I'd been gone so long that I'd forgotten how easy it was to get sucked in by someone so...enamoring. And she was mine for the night.

Earlier in the cab ride, I'd needed to know if her cavalier attitude about leaving a bar with a stranger was genuine, if she truly wasn't going to have any hangups about this being a one time deal. I was glad she was as devoted to a one time get together as I was. Even without knowing how much I'd relish in the way I responded to the ministrations her lips offered my body, I would have had to end this night before it began. I wasn't into relationships and I didn't intend to be. If Rose emitted any impression that she was going to read into this, I would have regretted it but I wouldn't take the risk of stringing her along for my own pleasure. That was the only reason I pushed the issue in the cab. I was pleased to find out that she was apparently just as into this for distracting pleasure as I was. If the fiery way her eyes lit up when she'd climbed on top of me in the cab was any indication of her fervor mirroring my own, the rest of the evening was going to be pleasantly unforgettable.

She was standing too far from me. I had to bring her closer, to do my part in this encounter and rid her of whatever troubles marred her alluring face those few moments she'd been standing alone in front of the windows. It was undoubtedly something about her job as a temp but tonight wasn't about pressing reasons or asking questions that didn't really matter. Tonight was a favor of sorts, working evenly together to distract one another. I had to make this about what we came here for.

Forgoing anymore questions on my part, I walked toward her, admiring her beauty - temporary scrape and red mark on her cheek and all - as I did so and telling her as much as I stood behind her. I caught the way her breath hitched and her eyes lit up when I expressed my opinion on her looks. She lit up like a Christmas tree, as though she wasn't used to used to hearing such words. If that was true, I planned on taking it upon myself to tell her so and using whatever means necessary to prove it. I turned her away from the view I'd forgotten I'd had and faced her toward me, taking in a more stunning sight of my own. It seemed almost unreal to me that this was how I was going to spend my first night back home. I planned on enjoying every moment of it, swearing to ensure that she did the same.

I gently tugged her coat completely free from her arms, tossing it aside. It had definitely been obscuring one hell of a fantastic view. Now that it was off I could visually confirm that she sinuous and shapely. The dress looked made to fit her, holding every inch of her up and closely packed together. I fought myself, resisting the urge to hastily unwrap it all and reveal all the surprises underneath. Her heels added to her above average height, though, it was going to be troublesome trying to balance my hold on her and still be able to feel as much of her body as I wanted to.

My arms wrapped nice and securely around her, pulling her toward me until she was pressed flush against my own body. Her arms automatically reached to wrap around my neck and I took the chance then to hoist her up.

I surprised her again because she gasped and gave a breathy laugh.

"Whoa," she gasped, her smile growing wide.

The sight of her face illuminated in amusement nearly knocked me off my feet. I already thought she was stunning but somehow when she smiled it was something else altogether. It was a nice look on her but, for the second time that night, I had the impression it wasn't an expression she wore often.

Her dress rode up around her stomach and her hair tickled the backs of my arms. I moved to leverage her against the frosty window while I slide her heels off, letting them drop to the floor with soft clacks. She trembled and shifted forward so that there was no space left between us. My hands shifted with her movements, sliding up the sides of her thighs, beneath her dress. She tightened her hold on me, aware of and rubbing against my body's response to her closeness.

Her fingers curled into my hair and she pulled me toward her, returning her lips with my own. Her faint perfume and the lingering fragrance of the bar drifted off her skin and the remnants of the beer and Vodka mingled between our mouths but she still tasted, smelled, and felt wonderful. It was an almost overwhelming sensation of fragrance permeating the air around us and soft skin beneath my fingers. Her tongue worked against my own, urgent, insistent, and almost scoping about as though she was tasting every inch of me while prodding me into the satisfying warmth of her own mouth. Rose definitely didn't come across as the patient type. She was definitely the no holds barred type. I hedged my fingers around the cotton band of her black underwear, making no moves to go any further until she gave me the okay. I wanted to know how long we could go on with the foreplay before she initiated it any further than I already had.

After who knows how long, she pulled away but just far enough that her lips brushed against mine as she spoke.

"Are you waiting for an invitation?"

There was that slight smirk curving her already swollen lips as she spoke. Her cool breath fanned against my face and mingled with my own as she graced me with her soft laugh.

"Of sorts," I answered, unable to resist sharing the smile with her.

"Ever the gentleman," she retorted, as though she'd keeping taking note of such behavior all night. "Can I ask you something personal?" We spoke in hushed tones to not disturb the mounting anticipation.

"In this position that we're in? Sure."

Her lips twitched with mirth. "How long have you been away?"

Wasn't expecting that question but I answered without hesitation, eager to continue where we left off but also savoring the thrill of the leisurely pace we were setting for our selves.

"A little over two years. Why?"

"Follow up, question, also personal," she answered instead. "Did you have sex like this while you were away? Recently?"

For someone with a medical degree, I still struggled to see where she was going with this but I played along. "When I was able," I answered truthfully, hoping she'd reveal her intentions.

Her eyes scanned my face she grinned before leaning her forehead against my own. "I guess I just want to know if its been so long for you that you've forgotten where your hands should be."

I couldn't hold in my burst of laughter at her brazenness. At least I knew I'd been right: she wasn't the type to beat around the bush.

"How 'bout it, Doctor," she prodded she I still hadn't said anything. She lowered one arm from around my shoulders and clasped her hand around my own, guiding me until I met heat, cupping the softness between her legs as she tightly squeezed her thighs around my hold. "Do I have to show you where I want you?"

That was all the signal I needed.

I pulled her away off from her spot on the glass, turning to carry her back towards my bedroom where I'd have even easier access. I dropped her down and hovered over her, able to appreciate so much more without having to worry about supporting her up while my hands explored the hills and valleys of her figure. We landed with her top, her legs straddling either side of me. I pushed, forcing her onto her back as she locked her ankles around me, securing her position. Every nerve in my body was on fire anticipating the night ahead. Whether it was the alcohol, my determination to have an unforgettably distracting night, my blatant attraction to this woman on top of me, or some combination of the three, I didn't know. Whatever it was, it was powerful, controlling me, driving me to hold her as close to me as humanly possible.

She locked her hands into the loose messy curls of my hair, biting gently at my lips where the smallest bit of added pressure would draw blood. I forced our mouths together, getting bitten in the process. Her tongue eased between my lips where I welcomed her with force of my own as she drew me in. It was a battle of wills, between fighting for control and wanting to give in to the budding fireworks stirring in the pit of my stomach, handing her all the control.

I pulled back just enough to look her in the eyes. "I think it'll be more fun if I find it on my own."

Whatever response she was ready to return died on her lips, fading away into a languid moan as I thrust my hand past the barrier at her waist and into the heavenly warmth hidden beneath.

"Now let's see if I can remember…"

My words trailed off as another of her fierce moans filled the air around us, her body arched up against my chest. I pressed myself closer against her, tightening the space between the gloriously cozy apex between her leg. She pulled at me, trying to press me even closer. Her mouth worked against my own before another pant escaped from her lips. Her chest was heaving, breathless from both the sudden escalation and the ministrations I was working within her, below her dress. Despite the cool air in the room, her skin was already heated to the touch against my lips as I left a trail of open mouthed kisses from her smooth neck to the soft, heaving pillows of her breasts.

I nipped at the top edge of her dress, grateful that it was strapless, and managed to pull it down, exposing her from its confines.

As much as I wanted to, I didn't linger there long. There was somewhere else I wanted to devote all of my attention to.

"Where…"

She started to ask as I quickly moved on but the question faded around us as I lowered myself to the one spot on her body that guaranteed a happy ending before all the other fun began. Her dress worked its way up around her stomach and I regretted not just stripping her of it before I'd thrown her onto the bed. I wasn't going to stop now to do it. It'd have to wait. The underwear she was wearing came away easily in my hands, the fabric tearing as I slid it down her legs making quick work of ridding it off of her, tossing them on the floor.

There was nothing blocking or stopping me now. In answer to her question, this, right here, was where I wanted to be.

Over the top of her arched stomach, I watched her shoulders fall back and her head press into the mattress as I familiarized myself with her soft creases and sweet folds. She had said earlier that there were better uses for my mouth and I agreed. This was definitely one of them. I take pleasure in the tight clutch of her fingers in my hair, begging me to take as much of her offered body as I can, giving her everything I can while she returns the favor. It doesn't take long before I can feel her coming undone. She shudders once, twice, three times before she's completely lost in bliss. Knowing I haven't lost my touch is satisfaction on its own; that I've ensured I'm not the only one leaving with elated memories of the night's events.

The room is quiet except for the sounds of her heavy breaths and the comforter and sheets shifting under our combined weight as I slide her to the top of the bed and I follow, still on top of her. She hasn't quite caught her breath and the sweet taste of her release is painted on my lips when she clamps her legs and arms around me to re-familiarize her tongue with my own.

"You taste...better than I imagined," I tell her around our breathlessness.

She releases a breathy laugh and pulls slightly away. "I'm glad," she pants. She shoves a hand into her hair, moving it out of her face. "You had me worried for a moment there," she teases.

"Good things-" I began before she smothered my mouth with a kiss so searing that I almost lost my train of thought. "Come to those who wait," I finish when she releases me.

"They sure do," she agrees. "I won't make the mistake of doubting you again. But I will…" Her hand finds it way down the front of my shirt until it reaches the waistband of my pants, undoing the button and tugging the zipper down. "Return the favor," she offers, her words wrapping around me like a promise. She nips and teases at my skin with her teeth leaving tingling sensations in her wake as she works her way along my jawline. With her focus on unbuttoning my shirt, I take the opportunity to reach in my bedside drawer for protection.

"As good as that offer sounds right now, the best way to return the favor would be to just let me in," I tell her, opening the condom.

"My mouth?"

I shiver at the prospect pf the offer coming from her low voice, almost dropping the condom. I roll it on as continues to nibble at every inch of my exposed chest now that my shirt is gone.

"Come on, Doc. I can't let you have one over on me," she teases.

"Oh believe me, I'm going to take you up on that offer. Just not now," I tell her, shimmying the dress completely off of her body. She gazed up at me, tense and confused but relaxed as I continued, embracing her body as I went along. "I have something better in mind."

* * *

 ** _A/N: You guys are awesome! Thanks a million for the reads, follows/favorites, and reviews (Kimavinzant, peggy, and ROMITRI TOGETHER FOREVER, you guys rock!) and I'm glad I seem to still have a few followers and that no one's too bothered by the changes. Considering the content in this chapter maybe I should have rated M but for the most part I think I kept it relatively vague and clean (figuratively speaking of course). Things were pretty intense. I'm not usually one for writing scenes like that but I thought I'd give it a go and hope it turned out well. I could feel the sexual tension between our two troubled souls from my screen! Again thanks for the reviews and I hope you guys enjoy the story!_**


	4. Before The Year Started: Part 4

**Dimitri**

 _ **Before The Year Started...(Part 4)**_

I listen to a cell phone vibrate and stop twice before I bother looking for it. I reach over for my phone on the bedside table and almost growl when I don't see it there. The sleeping body on top of me stirs as I lean over her to see if I can find my phone and shut it off. After flying for over fifteen hours and then spending my first night back having sex until the break of dawn, the last thing I wanted to do was be woken up by a vibrating cellphone an hour after falling asleep.

Rose shifts just enough for me to slide out from under her. Grateful for my long arms, I reach for my discarded pants from the night before and fish my phone out of the pocket. I have to resist the urge to chuck it out of the window when I see it's only Ivan calling me. I let it ring twice more before I remember that this is the same man that's called me three times a day since we were kids. Persistence is his middle name. If I don't answer now he'll be here at my front door within the hour. Assuming he isn't here already.

"I want a divorce," he announces when I answer.

Unfazed by his dramatics, my reply is immediate. "What did I do to upset you now?"

He scoffs so loudly into the phone that it echoes in my ear a bit afterward. I pull the phone from my ear and glance over at Rose to see if I've woken her. She's sleeping soundly, a soft snore emitting from her slightly parted lips.

"The fact that you even have to ask!"

"It's almost seven am. Forgive me for not being awake enough to even really care."

"Alright, well now you're just being mean," he pouts through the phone. "I called because," he starts but stops just as Rose groans and rolls over pretty loudly. "There's a disturbance in the force! Was that a woman I heard?!"

"Yes, Ivan, I've been seeing other people," I respond, exasperated.

"But a woman, on your first night back when you could have been spending time with me, making up for two years of lost quality time!"I don't bother pointing out that other than our three calls a day, we Skyped at least every other day. "And here I thought the hushed tone to your voice was out of tenderness towards me. Did you at least think about me?" he asked, incapable of keeping the humor out of his voice.

"Yes, I thought about you and only you the entire time," I lied.

He guffawed loud enough for me to be grateful that I had already climbed out of bed, careful not to wake Rose as I headed to the kitchen. I fish out my coffee maker from beneath the storage cabinet and get to the work of washing it out and starting a fresh brew.

"So you're first day back and you're having sleepovers without me. Who is this lucky lady?"

"I met her last night," I answer evasively. Ivan didn't need to know that I'd been in a bar after only an hour back home.

There was a long pause over the phone as he waited for me to elaborate.

"Please, D, calm down. You're overwhelming me with the influx of details," he said dryly. When I still didn't say anything he chuckled. "That's fine. I'll just drop by and see her for myself," he threatened.

"Ivan," I said in a warning tone.

"Just kidding. You're lucky I'm on my way to the hospital. We're trying to figure out the best way to remove the stick up your ass."

"You're hilarious."

"I like to think so. Anyways I was just checking in to see if you wanted to go for a run later this afternoon."

"It's my first night back," I reminded him. I still needed to unpack, get all of my bills and paperwork in order.

"You're right. You need to settle in and rest up," he agreed. "And you know the best place to do that? At your mom's house."

Well that didn't take him long. I was starting to think he and Tasha had made it their goal in life to ensure I visited my mother's house the moment I landed back home.

"Subtle. Look, Tasha tried this yesterday and I'll tell you the same thing I told her: I'll go back home in my own time." Well those weren't my exact words but as long as I got the message across. Why they were suddenly so invested in me going home, I had no idea.

"Alright, alright. I figured I'd give it a shot. Don't bite my head off," he said placating me. "Didn't mean to piss you off first thing in the morning."

"Well you succeeded."

"Eh, I'm not worried. You're charming attitude hasn't earned you many friends over the years," he reminded me. "I'm still you're best friend," he bragged smugly.

"I'm hanging up now."

"I'll make it up to you," he swore.

That sounded ominous. "I'm not that desperate."

"I'll take you out to dinner."

"Bye, Ivan."

"Wait, you didn't tell me anything about the lucky lady in your bed!" he shouted just as I ended the call.

Despite my early morning Ivan conversation, I forgot how quiet my house was this early. When I was a kid I was always the first one up in the mornings. I liked those few moments I had to myself in the mornings most. It was like I was completely alone and nothing and no one existed except for me and the characters in the cartoons I watched and the books I read. My routine consisted of playing quietly by myself or watching the television with the sound on low while I munched on cereal, waiting for the rest of my family to wake up bringing the house to life. Looking back, I liked living in a house that was filled with noise. Most of the times it was laughter, maybe some play fighting. As much as I loved my mornings by myself, the eventual rowdiness and noise was comforting, a reminder that though I preferred it, I didn't have to be alone.

I'm not sure when exactly it all changed, when I stopped finding solace in the ruckus that a big family makes, but I had an inkling of when. It wasn't one moment so much as many moments. If it wasn't already obvious, I didn't like to think about it much anymore. As an adult, I accepted my pad, welcomed all the changes that came with being on my own with open arms, and embraced solitude like it was an old friend. I developed a new pattern over the years, even keeping up with it during my years abroad. Over time I replaced my favorite shows with my favorite books after an early morning jog, a shower, and coffee. Change was good for me, something I needed and craved as much as I desired alcohol and the woman in my bed last night. It wasn't healthy but I wasn't in a hurry to change my ways any time soon.

I thought about going on a solo run but I wasn't lying to Ivan when I said I was still too exhausted. Jet lag was kicking in, especially having only slept a couple of hours. I decided to at the very least lounge in bed since the coffee was already working its way through my system. I padded back towards the bedroom, nearly walking past the shapely figure standing in the living room, staring out at the ocean.

"From the way you were snoring, I didn't peg you for an early bird," I tease. She jumps, startled by my voice. She looks around, a puzzled furrow to her brows, as though she's surprised to see me there. "Didn't mean to scare you," I apologize."

Her shoulders, having tensed up when I surprised her, slowly relax. Her eyes roam around my sparse living room, darting once between the ocean view and back towards me. She shakes her head, running a trembling hand through her hair with a sheepish smile on her face. "I was a million miles away," she laughs shakily. "With a view like this," she gestures out toward my windows. "Can you blame me?"

"Not in the least," I answer, walking closer towards her so I can appreciate the view more clearly myself. "It's the one reason I bought this house."

"Quiet, a little bit secluded, your neighbors practically nonexistent," she listed. "You could stand right here and pretend you were the only person in the entire world." She sounded awed by the possibility of doing just that.

"I do sometimes," I found myself admitting as I took a sip from my coffee mug.

"You must have missed it when you were gone. Did you have any views like this when you were traveling?" she asked, taking my mug out of my hands and helping herself to a sip.

I held back a laugh at how comfortable she seemed to make herself despite having only met me yesterday. Taking into account everything we did the last few hours together in this house, personal boundaries were nonexistent. "Not really. It wasn't like I was on vacation. I was there to work," I explained.

She rolled my reply around in her head as she continued sipping my coffee before offering it back to me with a grimace.

"This stuff can give tar a run for a its money."

"I guess I'm just used to drinking it black," I shrugged tasting it myself again. I didn't see anything wrong with it. "I might have sugar."

"I think I may have to take you up on that." She lead the way into the kitchen and went searching through the cabinets like she owned the place.

"Help yourself," I said with a chuckle as I sat behind my breakfast bar.

"Don't mind if I do," she said behind a sheepish smile. "In case you haven't noticed, I don't really respect boundaries. And the words 'personal space' aren't even in my vocabulary." She found a box of unopened sugar and triumphantly held it up before pouring it into my coffee mug before she sampled it. "Could use some creamer but it'll do."

"Sorry, I haven't been grocery shopping in two years." Two years away from home. It had felt like an eternity while I'd been traveling but now that I was back it didn't feel nearly long enough.

"Well you should probably remedy that and quick because if you keep drinking this stuff," she indicated to the mug we were sharing between us, "it'll kill you." She grimaced as she continued sipping. The sugar couldn't have made the strength of the brew any better but she sipped it down nonetheless, occasionally sliding the cup my way. It was...surreal to say the least. Mornings after were either awkward with false promises made to keep in touch afterward or hurried as someone tried to leave before the other woke up. Considering the heated passion between us last night and most of the morning, it was strange how _not_ uncomfortable it was to sit in my practically empty house with a practical stranger after picking her up at a bar.

"Speaking of the two years you were gone," she started, first to break the comfortable silence as we sat across from one another looking out at the view my windows provided and sharing the coffee. "I think I owe you an apology."

"How so?

She tossed her hair back over her shoulder. There was so much of it, it seemed to always fall across her face. "You're first night back home from who knows where and you meet some crazy girl who fights with old ladies in bars, steals your entire bottle of Vodka, and then worms her way into your bed," she explains though there isn't an ounce of remorse on her face. "I know it sounds weird but...I really _needed_ last night and I appreciate it." She laughed softly to herself a bit. "I wish they made cards or something for this kind of thing."

"A sort of 'Thank you for the sex' gift basket?"

Her lips tilted up at both ends in a smile. "Something like that."

"Well if such a basket did exist, I think I'd have to send one right back to you. I wasn't exactly an unwilling participant."

"True," she conceded. "You did lay it on a bit thick."

"Oh did I?" I chuckled, shocked by the accusation. I was never the type of guy to use pick up lines on a woman. I was always honest telling them the honest truth. If they like what I said, we hit it off and it was great. I was upfront about what I wanted and moved on to the next person if I didn't turn out to be the Romeo they were looking for.

" _'Gorgeous woman', 'stunningly beautiful'_ ," she quoted back at me. "If I hadn't been a little tipsy and just survived a bar fight, I think I would have thought twice about spending the night with you after hearing lines like those," she snorted, her head hanging so low into the cup that she was an inch away from drowning if she wasn't careful. Her hair hung low shielding most of her face but from this angle I could see the sad pout on her face and the mirthful smile on her lips. Much like last night, I had the feeling she didn't hear genuine compliments like that very often. How that was possible, I would never know. She genuinely didn't know. How could anyone not have told her everyday how beautiful she was? How could she not believe or see the marvelous allure of her face? If the lady that had slapped her in the bar last night was really a family member, a representation of the type of family she may have been raised in, I could kind of understand. I reached out, brushing her hair back from obscuring her face. She tilted her chin up just enough to look me in the eye.

"No lines. It was the truth."

Doubt clouded her stormy eyes but the sadness ebbed away from her features. She shrugged as I pulled my hand away.

"If you say so, buddy."

I shook my head. It was a shame that she couldn't or wouldn't believe what I was telling her as the truth. I understood, in a way. Clearly she had as many underlying problems in her life as I did. Maybe more. I didn't know what she'd been through or endured so much that it affected her self esteem nor was it my place to know. I considered myself a lot of things but a liar wasn't one of them. If I could make someone feel better about themselves in anyway possible - as a doctor or a one night stand - I was going to do it. The least I could do, other than provide a place for us to have sex, would be completely honest with her, assure her in anyway possible that anything I'd said last night was true.

"Believe it or not I really needed last night too. I'm just lucky it happened to be with an enamoring woman such as yourself."

This time, there wasn't an ounce of doubt in her eyes. It was hidden by the red flush to her cheeks as she bowed her head, hiding her smile behind the lips of the mug we were polishing off. Her bashfulness seemed so natural, a complete one eighty from the woman with all the bravado the night before telling me where and how she wanted me on her body.

"Throwing compliments like that around might just convince me to show my appreciation in a better way than a gift basket," she suggested, gazing up at me from under her lashes.

"Really?"

She nodded once, appreciatively raking her gaze from the top of my head down to my shirtless torso.

"What'd you have in mind?"

She hopped off of her bar stool and circled her way around the counter until she stood in front of me. She easily slipped between my legs, her arms finding their place around my neck as she anchored her body against my own. If there was one thing I was learning about Rose, it was that she didn't hesitate when she knew what she wanted. It hit me then that I liked this girl. I didn't know her but there was a vibe radiating off her. Underneath the quiet insecurities, the false bravado, the sexual forwardness, there was something about this girl that rubbed me the right way. There's something there, something inside of her that I could see myself relating to. I couldn't put my finger on it and with the task at hand I didn't put much effort into figuring it out just then.

"Might be more efficient if I just showed you."

My fingers tangled in her hair as I trailed my hand down her back, cupping her underwear clad bottom. She gasped as my fingers glided along the edge of her underwear, infiltrating their way between the crease separating her thighs and the lacy material itself. She tugged our mouths together in a fervent kiss. She tasted like the coffee but mostly sweet from all the sugar. We broke apart as I stood up, lifting her onto the kitchen counter, standing so closely in front of her that it was hard to tell where we were each our own person. I suppose it didn't matter right then. Right then it was about losing ourselves in one another for as long as possible.

"I think a demonstration would be best," I agreed with her earlier statement. "But like I promised, I'll have to return the favor."

* * *

 **Rose**

He slides into me with such ease, it's as though he belongs there. It's overwhelming. Not his size, per say - that's a gratifying factor on its own - but the immensity of it all, the sensation of being full to the brim but still wanting more. It's jarring. I thought last night - and this morning - had and would be enough but now I know that I don't just _want_ more of him. I _need_ more of him.

"Are you alright?"

Especially since, with my body in his hands, he definitely knows what he's doing. I realize I haven't answered him and he's stopped moving completely on top of me. I squeeze his shoulders and try to lift my nails from where I can feel they've already dug into his skin a bit when he first slid in.

"I'm good. It's just...a lot," I find myself confessing.

His smile is megawatt, almost blinding me along with all the sunlight already filtering through his entire house. I'd wished I'd said something sooner to see a smile like that. Or at least that we weren't mid coitus so I could really appreciate it rather than being otherwise occupied.

"That's good to hear," he says somewhere around a grin and a groan as I tighten myself around him. I roll my eyes at his response only it's a little difficult to do so when they're rolling into the back of my head for completely different reasons. I'm glad I could give him an ego boost because it's been well deserved. Especially after his first performance and the one he's in the process of giving. He pulls out just a bit before slowly pushing back in, teasingly eliciting a pretty loud reaction out of me. I hope these fancy walls are soundproof..

"Are these walls pretty thick?" I find myself asking as his waist moves against my own.

He stops, mid thrust and slips on top of me just a bit, laughing. "For the amount I paid for them, I certainly hope so but I think it's a little late to ask that." That's true. We'd been pretty loud last night too. "Besides, practically nonexistent neighbors," he reminds me. Thank goodness for that because the sounds I was making right now were a lot louder and a lot more expressive now that I was sober and coherent enough to acknowledge them.

I'd been wearing his discarded shirt from the previous night but Dimitri easily slips it over my head and tosses it away somewhere. My panties follow immediately afterward, slipping their way down my legs so quickly, it was as if they too couldn't wait for me to have another round with this amazing man. We ended up completely on the counter. The smooth tile is cool against my skin but I barely register it in comparison to the heat encompassing me everywhere else. The way Dimitri was working me over, I could see he totally committed to his promise of showing me his thanks.

"I thought I was supposed to be thanking you," I prodded him as his lips finally detached themselves from my own only to find their way to my breasts.

"I can stop if you want," he threatened, lifting his head to look me eye. His dark eyes sparkled with mirth at what I'm sure was an appalled expression on my face. "Or," he smiled, offering up a bargain when my only reply was to secure the hook my legs had around him. "I can be nice and continue what I'm doing." His hands dipped into warm and slippery creases between my legs, giving me a preview of things to come. Literally.

"We can take turns," I agreed.

"Good. Ladies first."

Sounded good to me. Who was I to deprive him of the pleasure of thanking me properly?

It's hard to explain how I feel about sex. Don't get me wrong, it's fun and exciting, nerve wracking and thrilling, both pleasurable and regrettable...I used to think that physically losing myself in someone was the best distraction there was. Even last night I thought this would be enough to make me forget Celeste, Liss and Mia's overbearing, my entire life in general. For the majority of the night and early into the morning it worked. It was like disappearing into a far off land for a couple of hours only to plummet back down to reality upon waking. It's startling waking up in an unfamiliar bed, realizing I don't really know the person I went home with, wondering when I became the girl that went home with strangers without even hesitating.

That's what I was thinking about when Dimitri found me standing in his living room, staring out at the ocean. Whenever I had the chance I used to look out at the sea, watching the tempestuous waves dominating one over another, doing my best to forget that there was an entire city not far behind me. My mother used to see the ocean was otherworldly in a way, a safe haven from all the crazy and calamity on dry-land. She used to promise that we'd take off one night, steal away on a boat, cross the tumultuous seas to some sort of paradise where no one knew us and never look back at the mess we were leaving behind. I used to laugh at how silly she was being. Neither of us knew how to swim nor did we have a boat. Let alone how to drive one.

' _Mommy's just being silly, isn't she?'_ she'd ask, a sort of embarrassed glint in her milky brown eyes.

Looking back now, I shouldn't have laughed. Maybe the crazy bat had the right idea. I mean, wasn't that what I was doing right now? Trying to escape, even to a temporary paradise, just for a little while with someone who didn't really know me? It was an added bonus that my accomplice seemed to be on the same page as I was on this while temporary sex escape thing. The sex was great and so was he. Sure, he threw around a lot of heavy compliments that seemed so pure and authentic I almost wanted to believe him and he seemed to be running from a few demons of his own but he didn't make me feel like crap when I woke up this morning. This little sleepover and morning after of ours wasn't just a hit it and quit type deal. He made me feel good and like I wasn't alone. We weren't exactly sharing secrets or backstories but he reminded me that I wasn't the only person in the world with a screwed up life. Maybe his decision to vacation from being a doctor and his work abroad were his owns ways of running away. Everyone has their problems. It's how we choose to deal with them - or not deal with them in our case - that makes us different.

He pushed into me slow and deliberately, his lips finding purchase against my own each time his pelvis collided with mine. He stole the breath from my lips when he pulled out. I shuddered each time, the loss of contact startlingly lonely and leaving me craving more with every pull out. I felt my nails breaking skin along his back when he slid back in and stayed there, the dull pulsating throb of his length reverberating in the apex of my thighs as I tightened my legs again. I swallowed his groan, tilting my head up to bite at his lips, forcing his mouth back down onto mine.

I would have thought that with all of our banter and flirting that this time around, the sex would be fun and playful. It was just as intense, heavy and overwhelmingly passionate as last night, though. I'm not complaining but it's...scary in a way. This isn't what I signed up for but I don't want it to stop. Things progress and grown, going on well until late morning. Somewhere along the line we moved from our spot on the kitchen counter in our efforts to make it to a more comfortable surface and ended up in the open hall leading back to the living room. The soft carpet of the hall wasn't exactly an improvement but Dimitri was just too good for me to really care at the time.

I rolled over, careful not to tumble off the edge of the counter top as I slid myself off of Dimitri. Somehow I had ended up on top. I wasn't sure how but he certainly seemed grateful for it as he released a blissful sigh the moment my body left his.

"I've certainly never had a 'thank you' like that before," he mumbled, throwing his arm over his eyes as he stretched his lower body out.

"Traditional thank yous are overrated."

"Couldn't agree more."

I stretched out myself, my body unused to participating in such strenuous activities. It felt good, satisfying in its own way. Once I finished stretching I looked over to find Dimitri had moved his arm down and was staring at me. He didn't say anything. His eyes roamed over my face. He reached a hand out, stroking the cheek that Celeste had made contact with last night at the bar. He seemed to do that a lot, reaching out to tenderly touch me. I shuddered involuntarily at the contact. I wasn't used to such gentle touch. He probably thought I was cold because he moved his hand from my face and instead stretched his arm out behind me for me to lay on. I hesitated but only for a second. I'm not saying I make it a habit of going home with random guys but the few times I have, they've never been so gentle or selfless, not even the smallest ways of simply ensuring I was warm and comfortable. I took the offering and snuggled closed to the heat radiating off his body. The shirt he'd pulled off of me earlier, faint with the scents of his travel and the lingering smells of his skin, was laying close by. He reached out for it, stretching it over us - mostly me - the best he could while we laid there.

"You're a nice guy, aren't you?" I asked, seemingly out of nowhere.

I didn't have to look up to know he was probably thrown off by my random observation.

"I try to be," he finally spoke.

"I mean you treat women, even strange ones who fight old ladies in bars and steal your bottle of Vodka, with the utmost respect. Don't you?"

"I don't think what we just did on the kitchen counter top that my grandmother designed was 'respectful'," he said dryly. A short laugh escaped my mouth as I slapped his chest playfully. He caught my hand, playing with my fingers as he answered. "Women deserve to be treated with respect. Even during one night stands."

"Does this still count as a one night stand, though? I mean it's almost noon which means we've been together for a little over twelve hours now. I don't do this often but don't these things generally end once the sun comes up?"

"And here I thought we were having fun."

"We are," I assured him, pulling my hand out of his so I could stretch my arms across his chest, burrowing myself closer into his body. It was such a nice, cozy fit I couldn't imagine ever wanting to move out the position we were in. "But I told you last night, I don't do this often. I don't want to come off as some clingy woman who refuses to take a hint if you want this to end right away and be done with me already."

He did that thing again where he nudge my chin up, imploring me to look him in his endlessly dreamy eyes. "Have I said or done something that's given you the impression that I want you to leave?"

I shook my head. In fact he was pretty much doing the complete opposite.

"Then we're good for right now, right?"

I nodded, turning my gaze away from his. Why did it bother me, 'for right now'? I laid myself back down on his chest.

"Yeah, we're good for right now."

We weren't supposed to want more from this but I liked it. I liked laying here, feeling like I had someone, who craved and wanted me as much as I did them. I tightened my hold just a bit and Dimitri did the same, running his fingers through my hair and along my back so feather light and gently that I shivered.

"Cold?"

"A little," I lied. I was a bit cold but against him, warm against his side, his hold solid and his fingers trailing their way along my body was pleasurable.

"We should go lay back in bed for a while," he suggested, surprising me enough to look up at him again without any prompting. "We didn't exactly get any sleep last night and it's pretty chilly in here. I can order food for us. If you're up for it."

I didn't answer right away so he continued. "I don't know about you but I'm enjoying this. Maybe we can stretch this thing out for a little while, enjoy it to the fullest while it lasts. _I'm_ enjoying this."

For once, since we'd met last night, he sounded unsure of himself. It was an underlying uncertainly in his gruff, low voice. He was putting himself out there in a way, laying what he was feeling about this one night stand that was supposed to be a nothing, a quick escape that was somehow becoming a little more. Finally I was able to shake myself from the shock of his suggestion to speak. "So am I."

* * *

 _ **A/N: You're awesomeness knows no bounds! Thanks a million for the reviews, faves, and follows! QTSuzie3, Kimavinzant, Swimming the Same Deep Waters, russia2774, RoseforDimitri, ROMITRI TOGETHER FOREVER, and the Guest reviewers, y'all are awesome! Just a heads up, I tend to re-upload chapters if I find a typo that bothers me so if you get a notification for a chapter that you've already read, that's why. Double heads up, I'm doing my best to update as often as possible. At best, I'm trying to update at least every other week (I don't always have access to a computer). Worst case scenario, a month. We'll see how things go. Part 5 is up next and then the rest of the year continues!**_


	5. Before The Year Started: Part 5

**Rose**

 _ **Before The Year Started...(Part 5)**_

The small smile that breezed across his face was dazzling.

We laid still for a long while after that before I shivered again. He gently tapped my arm, asking me to allow him to sit up. He tucked the shirt around me, sliding my arms through the sleeves and buttoning it up. He maneuvered out from under me and stood in all his solid and naked glory, every ab, muscle, and solid outline of his taut body on display. I watched in appreciation as he headed back to the bedroom. I was still sitting on the floor when he came back, briefs and cargo pants on but unbuttoned and thankfully still no shirt. He had a pile of blankets in his arms as he headed to the kitchen. He refilled our coffee mug and walked back toward me. He looked almost boyish, like a kid preparing to make a blanket fort of some sort.

"Come settle yourself on the couch."

I stood up and followed him back out to the living room. After he handed me my previously discarded underwear to put on, we were soon settled on the couch, barely clad in clothes, passing a coffee mug back and forth and wrapped in layers of blankets and each other as we faced out to the ocean, the remnants of the previous night's snow visible as shimmering dew drops reflected by the early sun light.

I leaned back against him, relishing in the solid feel of him against my back. It almost felt intimate. _Too_ intimate for the one night stand this was supposed to be. I couldn't remember once ever having stayed over some guy's house after drunkenly sleeping with them the night before. This was all...different. For one thing, I hadn't been drunk last night. Tipsy, maybe, but I'd been clearheaded enough to decide that I didn't want to spend the night alone. Another new aspect was that this wasn't just _some guy_ looking to get laid. This was a man who, from the looks of things, was as lonely as I was and just wanted a warm bed partner for the night. This whole thing wasn't supposed to be anything more than one night but it felt so new and right, fulfilling and undoubtedly frightening for reasons I didn't dare look further into.

"I don't do this often either, you know," he said after a long prolonged silence that was neither uncomfortable nor awkward. "One night stands," he clarified.

"Hmm. I kind of got the impression you did."

"Why?" he asked, not sounding offended so much as amused and surprised.

"A hot doctor with a sexy accent that travels abroad saving the lives of the helpless; you have this unbelievable house that's practically empty, no photos of any kind or personal affects, and you sit in sad lonely bars by yourself on New Years Eve drinking entire bottles of liquor your first night home after two years away," I listed. "All of that indicates that you are a lonely soul who most likely seeks solace in alcohol and/or sex."

I felt the rumble of his laughter vibrate through his chest. I glanced up and the mirth in his eyes was brighter than I expected and I couldn't help but smile along with him as I continued.

"No one sits in a dark lonely bar by themselves on New Years Ever after coming back from two years away without there being some kind of hidden baggage or issues. And what do people with baggage and issues do? They abuse any combination of the four vices: drugs, crime, drinking and sex," I explained.

"Isn't that a bit of a hasty generalization?"

I shrugged. "Maybe, maybe not. It's true to some degree, obviously, or last night wouldn't have happened."

He tilted his head back so it was resting on the back of the couch exposing his long, beautifully tan neck and the sharp jawline peppered with the shadow of stubble.

"Alright. So what vices do you abuse?"

A nervous laughed escaped me. "What makes you think _I_ have vices?" I mean I totally do but he didn't know that. Not for certain. I mean, by my logic, if he assumed I had vices then he also assumed I had baggage and issues. Which I also totally do but again, he didn't know that.

"Were you or were you not in the same lonely bar as I was by yourself?" he rhetorically asked, rolling his head down to look at me as though I was crazy for not realizing the obvious. "The evidence speaks for itself. Although, the fact that you were drinking someone else's Vodka makes it so much worse."

He had a point. Damn. And here I was feeling pretty smart about pegging him down as a guy who clearly treated his issues the way most men treated their issues. Well at least most men I've met. Knowing he had faults made him less of this majestic man I was making him out to be in my head.

"Good point," I acquiesced. "Do I get extra for fighting?"

He thought about it for a moment. "No because you didn't do any of the hitting. From what I could see it wasn't your fault. It was just wrong place, bad timing."

Wrong place, bad timing. If there was ever a phrase to sum up my life in its entirety, this was it.

"I think I just found the title to my memoirs," I murmured. I didn't think he'd heard me but I felt the slow vibration of his chest as he laughed.

"I'll fight you for it," he propositioned. Did he have a life filled with bad timing that were the catalysts of horrible events too? Sometimes I forgot that I wasn't the only person in the world with problems.

"Or we can share the title and make a collection of sad life stories and abused vices," I offered.

"Deal," he agreed generously offering me the last of the coffee. I don't know about him but I was in too comfortable of a position to get up or allow him up to get more coffee. "You didn't answer my question."

"Which was?" I asked leaning up to set the mug down.

"Your vices? You accurately guessed mine: alcohol...and sex when possible. Alcohol's a lot easier to get to though."

"A guy like you has trouble finding sex?" I asked, disbelief clear in my voice.

"When you're in a village with limited access to supplies or healthcare, finding a bed buddy isn't exactly the utmost priory, but don't avoid the question," he pressed. "Your vices?"

"I think its obvious," I evasively answered. It wasn't exactly the truth but it wasn't a lie either. Alcohol was my closest friend these last few years. Dimitri was right in saying that a partner for sex wasn't easy to find. It was a lot of work and I'd met many a men that wanted to make it more than a one night encounter. I hadn't been interested. The point was a quick fix to numb the pain that liquor sometimes failed to alleviate. Anything longer would just create too many attachments and more problems.

"You and I have a lot in common."

"Sort of," I admitted.

He raised one perfectly arched brow in question.

"I dabbled in more than one vice but for the most part, Tequila and sex are my best friends," I admitted, unable to look up at him. I fiddled with the edge of the blanket, looping it around my fingers. There was a stretch of silence where I wondered if I'd some how offended him or he was bothered by my admission.

"I'm not a druggie or some criminal if that what has you worried."

"How old are you?" he suddenly asked.

"Trying to see if you can throw me out without there being any legal repercussions?" The look on his face was less amused, more so...offended? That'd I'd make such a comment. Dimitri didn't seem like the type to throw a girl out on her ass, even if I'd been under age. If anything he seemed the type to feel guilty about it and turn himself in.

"Humor me," he insisted in such a tender voice that my heart skipped a few beats and my breath stopped short.

"Guess," I teased by way of answering.

A ghost of a smile played at his lips as though he was catching on to the fact that getting straight answer out of me was like pulling teeth. I like to have fun and play games when I could.

"Old enough to drink in a bar," he surmised.

"There is such a thing as a fake I.D," I pointed out and his eyes bulged just enough in worry that I had to laugh as I put him a ease. "Not that I need one."

His hand, which had been wrapped loosely around my waist, moved up just enough to give the softness of my stomach a playful squeeze for joking with him. It was such an unfamiliar sensation, I was all over the place flopping around the couch until he took mercy on me and stopped. I squirmed against him, laughing as I apologized. "I was just kidding," I said around my fit of giggles. Where the hell had that come from? I don't think I've ever _giggled_. I didn't even think my body knew the word existed. I sobered as he continued to guess.

"The bar tender seemed familiar with you," he noted. "Which tells me you frequent that bar often. And you referred to yourself as an adult when you were arguing with that woman last night." He did the same thing he'd been doing all morning, tilting my face up as though he couldn't see me clearly though he'd seen various parts of my body in some imaginative positions recently. His fingers stroked down my cheek, forcing my hair back behind my ears. "I'd guess twenty-three?"

"Wow, you're good," I told him impressed. "A year off but still, impressive."

He laughed. "Higher or lower?"

"Lower."

"You'll be twenty-three this year then so I'm gonna say I was right. You're young for someone that's apparently dabbled a little in all the vices."

"Isn't this the point in my life when I'm supposed to mess up the most?"

"A friend of mine used to tell me to do anything illegal or trouble-making before I was eighteen so that the likelihood of me being charged as an adult would go down," he told me, a reminiscent expression on his face.

"That's actually good advice." I was given relatively lenient sentences for my crimes when I was a teen. Dimitri didn't need to know that, though. "Did you get into any trouble?" I asked him instead.

"Nothing too serious," he said in a surprisingly dismissive tone. Guess he had his own secrets he wanted to keep. I could respect that but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't curious.

"So how old are _you_?" I countered.

"Guess?" he answered quickly as though he'd had the response at the ready, waiting for me to toss the question back at him. This was dangerous territory. He was obviously older than I was.

I sat up and turned around, settling on the balls of my feet so I could read his face as clearly as he could mine though he had education in medicine to back him up. I took his face in my hands, rubbing my thumb beneath his eyes. They were tired and worn around the edges but the trait did nothing to hinder his attractiveness. The irises and pupils of his eyes themselves were somehow both vibrant and tranquil for such a dark color. His hairline was in great shape and the stubble along his jaw gave him a masculine but aged feel.

"Late twenties, early thirties."

He shook his head with mirth. "Too vague. I want specifics."

"Fine, but don't blame me if I offend you."

He neither agree nor disagreed.

"Twenty-nine."

"Is that your honest guess?"

I nodded. "Am I way off?"

"Not too bad. I'm thirty-two."

"Whew," I sigh dramatically, wiping my brow. "I'm glad I went with my safe guess," I admitted.

He smiled before his fingers found their way buried into my side again, giving my side a soft, playful squeeze. "You're young for a doctor."

"Crammed as many classes as I could into every available semester," he explained. I almost asked why. I buried my curiosity down, remembering neither of us was here to share anything too personal.

"I barely graduated high school," I countered as he rested his head back again, eyes closed. "Did you always want to be a doctor?" Was that too personal? It was weird, trying to balance on the thin line between personal and casual conversation.

He was quiet for so long I thought he wasn't going to answer or maybe he'd fallen asleep. We hadn't exactly had the best sleep last night/this morning.

"I knew I wanted to help people," he finally answered. His succinct answer said a lot about him. As I guessed, he was a good person. He had faults but he always wanted to help people. He seemed like he had so much going on with himself too, though. Traveling for work must have been lonely in some sense. My father and my uncle used to travel for their individual jobs a lot and would complain how lonely it was. Dimitri came back to a house that was sparse, which made sense since he traveled, but there was nothing personal about the place. It was stark and so solitary. So he always wanted to help people but did he ever take time to help himself? He didn't elaborate further and I certainly wasn't going to ask him to. It wasn't my business. We'd done a lot of talking, a lot more than I was accustomed to after nights like this. I was feeling pretty sleepy myself.

I felt like I should have left at some point, taken my chance when he fell asleep and left without so much as a goodbye. It didn't seem right. I realized I liked him, a lot more than I liked anyone else lately. He understood me better than anyone else lately. He understood because in some ways, like he said, we're similar.

I decided to take advantage of this opportunity to sleep and snuggle down into the blankets, making sure his bare chest is covered before I make myself comfortable against him as my pillow. I don't think I'll be able to fall asleep as easily as I do but with the distant sound of waves crashing along the shore and the warmth surrounding me, I'm out like a light. It feels like only a second has passed before I blink and I glance at the clock and see a few hours have passed. I feel slow and groggy, my eye lids still heavy with sleep as I register the new position we're laying in.

We're relaxed back onto the cushions, Dimitri having slid down behind me at some point, hunkered down into the blankets. He was so close I could feel his cool breath against my cheek. His arm was heavy around my waist, the tips of his fingers stroking the exposed skin of my stomach where his shirt has ridden up. I dared a glance behind me and he stirred, his heavy lidded gaze meandering over my face before landing on my lips. I wondered if he'd kiss me again, if we'd resume our activities from before. As best as I could manage in the small space, I turned, pressing myself against him. He shifted just enough so that most of his body was over my own, our breaths and the soft thump of our heartbeats in sync, his arms taut with the strain of holding himself up so that he doesn't crush me. I almost tell him it's okay, that I want the secure heavy weight of another person on top of me. I'm also scared too. Would it be too much? Too close for an encounter that's turning out to be anything but brief and distant? Then I see it, the shift, the sudden vacant look in his eyes. He's distancing himself, the way we should have been the moment we woke up this morning. I should have left sooner. None of this, this closeness should have happened because now that I've had some, I kind of don't want to let it go.

He pulled back, leaning against the couch and pulling me up with him. Did he feel it too? The intimacy? The low, heated, electric hum that flowed between us when we were close like that? I did. I felt it with every fiber of my being. The more we talked, it felt ten times more amplified than before. It was scary and exhilarating. I wanted to both embrace it and run from it. Dimitri must have felt it too because he suddenly seemed as far away as I did.

* * *

 **Dimitri**

It happened in an instant. One moment we were laughing and joking around. The next, as soon as I opened my eyes and saw her owlish one's staring back at me, how closely we were laying, I felt it. The change. As though the closeness had taken root the moment we started conversing beyond casual flirting, it grew into something bigger as we slept. I started it, how easy and comfortable it was to hold her close, tickling her as though she was mine and it was something we did all the time. That's what it felt like. The air between us feel easy.

I don't know what I was thinking when I'd settled us on the couch before. Had I just wanted physical closeness after two years keeping myself at bay, surrounded by strangers, sick patients and other doctors, unable to hold or touch anyone? Maybe. It sounded like a good idea at the time. It felt good too.

We were both maneuvering through our own problems, skirting around our individual reasons we were in a bar last night, why we drink and embrace our vices in general, but there was something there, something heated, tangible, so close to being something that could be real and genuine that I could almost touch it. I didn't. I held back. I resisted. For both our sakes. I could barely keep my own life together. I ran from my problems. I didn't face them. I had two years abroad to show for that. It was clear to me that Rose was running, or at the very least, hiding from a few problems of her own. We'd be a recipe for disaster. I liked her nonetheless. I could admit that much. I liked her. Which is why I didn't want to hurt her. So I pulled back. I pulled away.

I could read it on her face, on her large expressive doe eyes, in the way she set her mouth into a tight line, in how she stiffened when I moved to settled us back against the couch again, sitting up. She knew what I was doing and she was doing the same. We were playing it safe. We had to.

"I'd kill for a cigarette," she said suddenly, breaking the silence. She ran a hurried hand through her hair, tangling it even more so. I was surprised how much I wanted to reach out and tame it for her. I distracted myself, keeping my hands busy as I stood up to take the coffee mug to the kitchen.

"You smoke?" I hadn't smelt the distinct scent of nicotine at all and I'd been physically closer to her as any human could be to another.

"Trying to quit," I heard her answer. Her voice sounded faraway even though I had returned to the living room where she was now standing, messily folding the blankets into a sloppy pile on the couch. She couldn't stand still, fidgeting and never letting her gaze linger on me for too long. "Sorry," she apologized when I didn't say anything. "Should I have said that? I mean, I know it's your position as a doctor to warn me against the hazards of smoking?"

"I'm off duty," I shrugged. Besides I used to smoke when I was a teenager. I couldn't help adding a warning though, despite my proclamation of being off the clock. "But it is unhealthy."

She smiled but it was tight and didn't reach her eyes. Things had certainly changed. We got too close and now there was no going back.

"I should probably get going then," she hedged, indicating towards the front door. "Once I get a hankering for a smoke, it doesn't really go away. I wanted one last night but I ended up at the bar instead," she rambled around a nervous laugh. "And then I met you and well...here we are."

Yes. Here we are.

"I'll um...I'll drive you..." I started to offer, my words trailing off. Should I drive her home? Is that weird? I've never had to worry about my partner for the night getting home because they either left before I work up or I did the same, making a quiet escape without having to think twice about it and without looking back.

She let out another inhibited laugh. "Uh...no it's okay."

"Rose, we're at least a couple of miles from the nearest public transport. I'll drive you home."

She shook her head as she back her way toward the bedroom. "No really, it's okay. I can call for a ride. My car is back at the bar actually."

"Rose," I stepped forward, to reach out to her? To convince her to let me do this? I had to do something. I couldn't let it end this...awkwardly. Whatever reason it was, it didn't matter. She stepped back.

"Really it's fine, Dimitri," she dismissed, folding her arms one over another. "I can take care of myself."

She closed the door to the bedroom, presumably to get dressed, before I could think of anything to say. I straightened up the blankets she folded, tossing everything including some of my travel clothes in the wash. I listened as the bedroom door opened and the soft slap of her steps against the hardwood floor. I had pulled on a t-shirt and shoes in case she changed her mind about me driving her. The stubborn set of her jaw and the diluted fierceness in her eyes told me that wouldn't be the case. She pulled her coat on over the dress she'd been wearing the night before and swept her hair up into a ponytail before sliding her heels on. She could barely hold her gaze on me.

"So um...thanks...for...you know," she squirmed from her spot by the door. "It was fun."

It didn't seem like enough. There should have been something else to say. Nothing awkward. Just something appropriate.

"Yeah um...me too. Thanks."

She teetered, rocking back and forth on her heels for a second. "So yeah."

"You can wait inside for your ride," I told her as she opened the front door. "Or you can just let me drive you."

She stepped out onto the porch as there was a ping from her purse. She pulled her phone out and glanced at the screen. "It's cool. This is my ride. Luckily there was a Lyft nearby. Thanks any way though."

I nodded as she turned starting to walk off the porch before she stopped, turning to face me. She stepped closer than I thought she'd ever be to me again. She smelled like me, the smell of my aftershave and just me lingering on her skin along with the remnants of whatever perfume she'd been wearing. Her makeup was touched up, probably from whatever she carried in her purse, but I could see the tiredness in her eyes. The scratch to her cheek from the night before was covered up, barely noticeable if you didn't know it was there. She truly is beautiful, but there's a shadow there, darkness inside her eyes. I recognized it, similar to mine. Pain and unhappiness eating away at her from the inside out. I wondered if she could see the same when she looked at me.

"Take care of yourself, Dimitri."

She raised up on her toes, cupping her hand to my cheek as she pressed a feather light kiss to my cheek. She started to pull away and I couldn't help it. I leaned down and kissed her lips. It was barely there, her mouth ghosting over my own, her eyelashes fluttering along my cheek. She pulled back enough to look me in the eyes one last time. We stood there a little less awkward than before, and quiet, the certainty that our temporary escape from reality had come to an end hanging heavy in the air.

* * *

 _ **A/N: Y'all are awesome! I'm glad you guys are enjoying the story and its changes. I feel like the sudden rift between our lovebirds is anticlimactic but it's just the beginning. New post should be up soon!**_


	6. January And All Its Problems: Rose

**Rose**

 _ **January...**_

It's kind of funny. This wild night started with my hankering for a cigarette and now it was going to end the same way. Well, actually I'm not really craving one at the moment but it was the only ice breaking excuse I could think of to get away. I ran from home last night looking to escape from my problems and the mess going on in my head and now I was running from my escape in order to go home.

Everything is just a mess. Man, I wish I had a cigarette.

The thing about escaping life and all its problems for even just a few hours is that when it ends, when I can no longer run and hide in a temporary safe haven, when I have to face reality again, it's like coming down from the ultimate high, crashing ungracefully back into the everyday world. That's how I feel right now anyway; like I'm crashing and there isn't anyone to catch me, to patch me up and make me feel better even in the simplest way. There isn't anyone here to lie and tell me that it'll all be okay.

Well, Mia's here, thankfully. I had lied about my ride being from Lyft because it seemed lame to say that I have my roommate coming to pick me up and piece me back together from a one night stand turn awkward. It sounds like a stupid thing to lie about now that I think about it but whatever.

"Happy New Year, Sunshine. What kind of wild night did you have last night and why wasn't I apart of it?" Mia asked as I climbed into the car. From the looks of her, Mia looks like she's only just barely starting to recover from whatever debauchery she got into last night. You and me both sister.

She leaned around me, looking out the window and then at her front windshield taking in the secluded area. I leaned my head back against the headrest and closed my eyes, smiling softly at her comment.

"You were having a little private party of your own with those two guys last night when I left so I figured you wouldn't be interested."

"You said you were just going out for a smoke and then you disappear the entire night, you send Liss some vague text about hanging with Mase and Eddie which was clearly a lie because there's no way Mase and Eddie would ever score a place like this on a dope dealers salary- they're not even _good_ dope dealers. And what the hell happened to your face?" She asks leaning forward to see the scrape against my cheek from Celeste last night. I shrug, leaning my head back against the headrest. "You ask me to pick you up from some ritzy beach house the following day and you look well worn out which means you didn't sleep a wink last night so yeah, I'd say I'm _totally_ interested. I want details, pronto!"

Details. How do I explain? Last night I had told her I just needed some air and maybe a smoke but here we are the morning after and she's picking me up at some random house on the other side of town. Mia's always been as outgoing and party loving as me but I just don't think she'll understand. _I_ don't even completely understand why I felt so restless last night. I just knew I had to leave, I had to disappear even if it was just for a while. I can be vague, tell her I just needed to get away for a bit but the _reasons_ I had to get away are a whole other mess of issues entirely. Was it too late to go back inside to Dimitri's place and hide out for a bit longer? Considering the way we left things, I'd say so.

"It's a long story," I breathe out, not ready to go into all the nitty gritty details just yet. If ever.

"Uh uh, chica. That isn't gonna fly," she opposed, raising one dark blonde brow into a stubborn arch, daring me to refuse offering any form of explanation. "Not with me and _definitely_ not with Liss. She nearly had a coronary when she realized you didn't come home last night."

Damn. There was no way out of this without explaining myself. They wouldn't understand. They've never understood but that's mostly my fault for not talking to them, for being unable to explain why I'm a mess. _I'm_ not even sure why I'm a mess. I mean I have a general idea why but nothing concrete.

Given my track record over the years, they had good cause to worry, judge, and hold my past against me. And it wasn't like I made the best decision by going home with a guy from a bar I didn't know. Still, I'm perfectly capable of berating my own stupid decisions. I don't need the two mother hens doing it too.

Mia shoved her bangs out of her face and sighed as she stubbornly grabbed both sides of the steering wheel as though refusing to budge until I said something.

"Oh my gosh can you just _drive_ and I'll explain later," I hastily urged. I didn't dare look to see if maybe there was a possibility Dimitri was looking out his window, wondering why my ride was idling in front of his house. The last thing I needed was for him to come outside to see what was wrong.

She pressed her thin lips into a firm line and _hmph_ -ed but thankfully she shifted gears and pulled out and away from the beach house paradise. Thankfully, she doesn't say much of anything once we start driving. As grateful as I am for her silence it also has me on edge. A quiet Mia is unusual because Mia always has something to say about everything whether we want to hear it or not. Maybe this time is different because she wants me to do some explaining, something I just don't think I can do. How do I describe feeling so desperately alone that I went out basically looking for trouble? I knew the odds of running into Celeste at that bar. I knew the likelihood that we'd argue and fight. I voluntarily went home with a stranger. Someone smart and sane just doesn't do those things no matter how restless I might have felt. I had told Dimitri to take care of himself - the constant look in his eyes throughout our time together, the shouldered weight he seemed to carry with him, I was familiar with both of those burdens - but do I do any better in caring for myself? How do I explain that I make stupid decisions because I'm such a mess?

 _Just like your mother._

Celeste's words flit around in my head. It was a low blow. She wasn't wrong. I'm not deluded enough anymore to try to say any different than the truth of her words. Knowing the truth hurts though. What's worse is that I'm not just like my mother, I'm becoming like her. Who's to say I might turn out even worse.

I slouch down in my seat, letting the low hum of Mia's Infinity calm me down, pulling me away from that line of thought. Her silence is a blessing at the moment.

"Liss is going to tear you a new one," she says suddenly.

Seems I spoke too soon.

"Probably," I agree.

"I just hope you have a good story to tell her."

"So do I." I could feel her gaze linger on me longer than it should have for someone who was driving but she didn't press me for any details. "I'm surprised she hadn't been calling."

"Oh she has been," Mia says nonchalantly as she runs a hand through her matted and tangled hair. She must have jumped right of bed to come pick me up because she's only wearing a sleep shirt, slippers, and sporting a serious case of bedhead. "I put my phone on silent after texting her that you were safe. I figure anything she has to say to you will be best said in person."

Fair enough. I wonder if I should just call her over the phone and lessen her anger a bit before seeing her at home but I decided against it, wanting to just face any anger she has head on.

"Exit here," I instructed as we approached an off-ramp.

"Why?" she asked, reasonably confused since we lived at least another ten exits away.

"My car is still parked at the bar I went to."

I feel her stare again but she doesn't say anything until we pulled up to the bar parking lot where a few early morning stragglers were either leaving from the night before or just starting their day.

"You leave without telling anyone and _this_ is where you came to?"

I just sigh as I reach to grab my purse and start to open the door. She wouldn't understand.

"I didn't realize I have to report every time I leave the house."

"Come on, Ro," she calls before I can climb out. "No you don't have to give a report whenever you wanna do something like disappear for an entire night but think of it as a courtesy to me and Liss. You'd be freaking out too if one of us did one of your disappearing acts."

No, I wouldn't be freaking out because Mia and Liss never do stuff like this. They're smart, they don't make spontaneous spur of the moment decisions that could get them into trouble or leave them feeling like crap the next morning.

"I'll meet you back at the house," I say as I climb out of the car. I've never felt so cheap in my life, doing the walk of shame the first morning of a new year.

It's during the drive home that my nerves start to get the better of me. Making up excuses to Mia is one thing. Making up excuses for Liss is a whole other can of worms. She's that one friend with the motherly tendencies that nearly every friend group has. It doesn't help that she's not only my overprotective best friend, but she's also my cousin, the last family member I have. Avoiding her calls last night was insult enough but the fact that I'll have to lie to her, that I don't have a plausible excuse for my disappearance last night without going into all the other issues I've been dealing with in my head, is like a slap to the face. If the barrage of texts, voicemails, and missed calls that flooded my phone earlier are any indication she isn't just going to be mad or annoyed or upset. She's going to be pissed.

I sighed as I pulled onto our street in one of the modest parts of town, mostly for middle class families where modern colonial homes that were all painted some slightly variant shade of the same dull beige color. The house used to be Lissa's family home filled to the brim with kids, animals, and all the noise a happy home full of people could make. Now it was just a two story shell of horrible memories that neither Liss or I could untie ourselves from. It was just the two of us living there now. Well, the two of us plus Mia.

There's no avoiding this. Especially since Lissa's Camry was sitting in the driveway. And pacing in front of that Camry, looking like she was getting ready to hop in and come looking for me and Mia herself, was my cousin. She froze mid pace, her steely green gaze ablaze with emotion: irritation, exasperation, rage...She folded her arms across her pajama top in the mother of all motherly poses.

Crap.

I hesitated for only a second, weighing whether it'd be too late to turn this puppy around and make a break for it, before deciding that she was close enough to her own car to follow me and hunt me down. Plus I was sure Mia would aid her in my capture. I hopped out of my jeep, heels in hand and folded myself against the chilly cold and snow that blanketed the ground beneath my bare feet.

Lissa and I both opened our mouths to speak but Mia, who had pulled her car in right behind mine hurried over in her slippers and interrupted first, placing her self right between us like a referee. The angry look on Lissa's face versus the attitude I'd been sporting earlier, yeah we'd need a referee.

"Before either of you says anything, I want to point out that it's a new year, we're all tired, maybe hungry, in desperate need of coffee, and little hungover."

Liss and I both glanced over at our pixie haired friend. Between the three of us she was clearly the only one hungover. I may have killed a bottle of Vodka last night but I had a better tolerance for that sort of thing. I didn't feel worse for wear. No worse than I usually did anyway. And Liss rarely drank but when she did it was moderately. Even on New Year's Eve.

"Okay, maybe the hungover only applies to me but whatever. We should all go inside, get some rest, get cleaned up and talk about this later."

That sounded like a good plan. Except for one thing.

"There's nothing to talk about," I stubbornly said, brushing past both of them and into the toasty, warm house, listening to Lissa sputter angrily to Mia about my attitude and nonchalance behind me.

"How can she say that!?"

I climbed the stairs up to my room and collapsed on the bed, counting how long it would take for one or both of them to appear. I laid there for exactly a minute and sixteen seconds before the bedroom door opened.

"I just wanna take a nap," I pleaded, forcing all of the exhaustion into my voice, hoping to elicit some sympathy considering my night of fun hadn't gone exactly as I had planned.

"So do I," Lissa started, "because I'm a little tired myself. You know why?"

"Christian kept you up all night?"

She ignored that. "I'm tired because my cousin, who has a history of disappearing for long periods of time and getting into trouble, disappeared last night and didn't think to call or text to tell either of us where she was?!" she exclaimed walking around to the side of the bed so that I could see just how upset her face was. Her pale, porcelain skin was flushed red, from both anger and the cold I guessed.

"I texted you," I pointed out. "I told you I was with Masen and Eddie."

"Yeah you did but it wasn't very reassuring to get a text saying that you were hanging out with those two potheads."

They were more than potheads but I didn't think now was the time to try and defend people I somewhat considered friends.

"I was fine. I was alive. I went to a friends' house and crashed there."

"Well it would have been nice to know that _last night_ instead of that vague message you sent," she countered.

I sat up and rolled over, scooting to the head of my bed. It was hard arguing while I was face-planted on my mattress.

"You know what would be even nicer? If the two of you took the time to remember I can take care of myself."

"Barely," she grumbled. I ignored that.

"I don't need to be talked down to like a child. Mia already did that for you on the way here. I'm an adult too, Liss."

"Really? Because you sure don't act like it."

I could see the regret in her eyes the moment the words left her mouth. I can't blame her for how she feels but it doesn't mean her words don't gut me. I know they worry. I've given them plenty reason to over the years; disappearing sometimes for days, late night calls from a hospital or the police, the drinking, the drugs...yeah I'd say they have great reason to nag and be overbearing. Doesn't mean I have to like it. I've been getting better. I've been trying. Not very hard but I've at least been trying. Her emerald gaze softened a fraction of an inch and her shoulders slumped. The bed dipped where she sat beside me. I looked at my platinum haired, green-eyed beauty of a cousin. She looked tired which didn't surprise me because the girl worked like crazy in school while still trying to make time for her long time boyfriend Christian and her part-time job while interning for a law firm. Exhaustion was becoming a permanent feature on her pretty face. So was disappointment. Or maybe that was only when she looked at me.

"What's your deal Liss? I'm having a little bit of fun," I said with a bit of a laugh, instilling a lighthearted tone into the air but it was hard to given her deadpan expression. "You know, you're face is going to get stuck like that if you don't learn to smile once in awhile."

She ignored me, her scowl deepening. "Where were you?"

Right then, I could have just stuck to my original plan and lied to her. The way her dark brows furrowed together and her eyes glistened with genuine concern, I couldn't bring myself to do it.

"I just needed some air and...I don't know. I ended up at this bar-"

"A bar?" she asked incredulously. Her eyes suddenly narrowed in suspicion. "Please tell me you didn't go to that rat hole that Celeste hangs around?"

My silence was answer enough.

"Rose! Why would you-"

I shrugged. "I don't know. I just ended up there and then we got into an argument and-"

"She did _that_ to your face I'm guessing?" She asked, gesturing to the mark on my cheek.

I didn't bother nodding. Liss knew from experience that Celeste was the aunt from hell. What my cousin _didn't_ need to know was that the scratch to the face came _after_ I threw my drink at Celeste. "After Rob kicked Celeste out for wacking me across the face, I met this guy and we hit off and I _wenthomewithhim_ ," I rushed to finish but I shouldn't have bothered. From the way her eyes widened impossibly larger, she heard every word I'd said.

"You went home with a stranger you met at some dive bar?"

"Isn't that better than hanging with Eddie and Mase?" I countered, hoping to lessen her anger even the slightest bit. I didn't like it when Liss or Mia were mad at me. They were the only two people in my life that I have.

"Not really," she snapped. "At least I know Eddie and Masen. I'd be able to tell the police the most likely places to find your body if you ever went missing with them. But some _stranger_..."

"He was a nice guy and he was cute and funny and we were a little tipsy..." I trailed off leaving the rest to her imagination. My cousin was nothing if not a prude when it came to talking about sex. "I was fine and I only lied because I didn't want you to worry nor did I feel like explaining and I shouldn't have done that so I'm sorry for lying and not checking in but I need you to trust me, Liss. I'm not that unstable teenager I used to be anymore. I'm not exactly perfect but I'm better now. I'm an adult and I can handle myself." Lissa softened enough that she uncrossed her arms and breathed out slowly through her nose. An apology goes a long way with her. "I still make spur of the moment stupid decisions that end up being a mistake but they're _my_ mistakes to make. You can't protect me forever."

"I should have protected you the first time," she murmured. "When we were kids," she added as though I could ever forget our less than stellar childhood. I didn't have anything to say to that. When we were kids, barely teenagers, we'd already been through so much, both together and alone. I was in trouble and needed help but Lissa was suffering too, trying to survive on her own. She couldn't have saved me any more than I could have saved her if the roles had been reversed. Now wasn't the time to rehash the past. I certainly didn't want to talk about it. Not now. Not ever if I could manage it. "Then maybe you wouldn't be like this...maybe you'd be different."

I shrugged. "Maybe, maybe not." The Maybe Game was a favorite pastime of mine. It sent my thoughts into a never ending cycle of headaches thinking of all the _what ifs_ and _maybes_. Maybe I would be different, maybe even _better_. There wasn't anything I could do about it now though. The past was the past. There was no changing that. "But I'm not so bad now."

"No, not bad. I just want you to be safe and to take better care of yourself." I opened my mouth to argue but she cut me off. "And don't tell me you already do because going out all night with some stranger is _not_ taking care of yourself."

She had a point.

"I just don't want you to get hurt."

"The guy from last night, he was a pretty big guy but he was basically a teddy bear." She looked at me like I was crazy. "I can't explain it but I just...I knew he wouldn't hurt me. It was just sex."

"Is that supposed to make me feel better?"

"No. It's supposed to remind you that I like to go out sometimes and have fun with people who aren't my roommates."

Her scowl was completely gone now. She might have even been ready to smile.

"And this is your idea of fun?"

"Sex? Hell yeah," I answered confidently and her lips actually stretched into a bit of a smile. "If sex isn't on your list of fun things to do then I think I need to sit down and have a talk with you and the boyfriend because you may not be doing it right."

She gasped out a laugh and leaned back beside me against the headboard of my bed.

"We do it fine, thank you very much."

"Just _fine_?"

"Rose," she sighed, embarrassed but still laughing.

"If you say so."

We sat quietly for a moment, tapping our feet together side by side like we used to.

"Soooo...this guy from last night, what was he like?"

If she needed more details to feel better about my disappearing act last night then I was willing to give them. Besides, it felt good to talk about it.

"He was...something," I said vaguely. She sat beside me, waiting for me to elaborate but I didn't. There wasn't anyway I could think to describe last night and everything I was feeling.

"Are you going to see him again?" she pressed on for more info. "Will I be able to meet him?"

I laughed this time. "So that you can lecture him picking up girls like me in crappy bars? No way. Besides it was just one night." It hit me than that I probably wouldn't ever see him again. He was a doctor that traveled the world helping people, I was a temp for some agency that found me jobs that no one else wanted to do; he lives near the coast while I stay in the suburbs. We were two people from completely different circles that just happened to cross paths one night. The thought made me a little sad.

"From the look on your face and that dreamy tone in your voice it almost sounds like you really liked him. Are you sure it was just one night?"

"Of course. Don't you know the rules of one night stands?"

"No but _you_ do apparently," she muttered. If her comment hadn't been so dead on, I might have been offended.

"True," I acknowledged.

"Well then enlighten me, oh slutty one, what are the rules?"

I laughed at Lissa's dry humor that mirrors my own. It runs in the family actually, one of the few traits we have in common. Liss was one of only two people—the other being the third member of our trio, Mia—that could jokingly label me for my sex-capades and getaway with it.

"It's pretty self explanatory: no strings attached, no hurt feelings, no one gets hurt."

"Are you allowed to like the person - or should I say stranger - you're sleeping with?" she asked with a disbelieving laugh, as though the whole concept was ridiculous to her. She's had the same boyfriend her entire life. It's not hard to see why this is so difficult for her to grasp.

"Yeah, you can like them."

"And did you like him?" I realized I didn't acknowledge her comment about liking Dimitri before. I guess it wouldn't hurt to admit that much.

"He was different and..." I shook my head trying to get my thought into order. Dimitri was what? Kind? Gentle? Fun? Charming? All of those things and then some? Definitely the last one. "Yeah I think I liked him a little," I admitted, muttering the last part of my admission so low I figured Liss wouldn't have heard. Her eyes widened like an owl's again and her jaw dropped open. She heard me loud and clear.

I couldn't blame her for being surprised. Admitting _I_ liked someone was about as rare as finding a four-leaf clover; it never happened.

"You haven't liked anyone since Ralph in kindergarten," Lissa pointed out with a little nervous laugh.

"I told you, I never liked Ralph," I said indignant. "His mom just always packed him mini-doughnuts for lunch."

Lissa's light bubbly titter filled the room. "Ralph is a third year at Harvard right now with an internship at one of the most prestigious firms in the state but okay, you didn't have any real feelings for him," Lissa sobered after a minute of laughing. "But I don't think you have real feelings for this guy, this stranger, either," she added, more serious now.

"You're not going to let me live down the fact that he was a stranger are you?"

"Going to bring it up every chance I get," she replied. "It just doesn't make sense me that you can give yourself to someone you just met and end up liking that person when you don't even really know them. Not in one night."

"A night and a day," I stubbornly corrected. "It's not like I'm confessing my love for him or anything like that. I'm not even going to see him again. Maybe _like_ wasn't the right word. It's crazy to feel anything for him but attraction, I know, but-"

"No. No _buts_. It _is_ probably just attraction or something. You can't possibly have feelings for a guy that you met _once_ and had sex with _once_!"

It was more than once but she didn't need to know that right now.

"Liss, you make it sound so cheap," I joked. "I told you I know it's crazy."

There were never any secrets between us, ever but I don't know how to explain what I felt toward Dimitri. It wasn't something that was easily describable and too personal. Even to Liss. Either way, I know I sound crazy. And pathetic. Definitely pathetic. Admitting to having feelings for a guy I met once was insane.

"It was just sex. I know that. I think it's that...I get him in a sense. I mean, I know I don't know him but I understand a little bit why he was drinking in the bar by himself last night and why he was willing to leave with a girl he didn't know. Other than the fact that he's a guy," I added. "It's easier." Easier to run away and hide out in a bar and bury yourself in some stranger than facing whatever problems you have in the real world. I didn't elaborate on that for Liss. That bit I kept to myself.

"Easier doesn't always mean better."

"Maybe it does for some people. It's just weird finding someone I can kind of relate to."

From the look on her face I could see she still didn't get and she probably never would. She wasn't there, she didn't talk to him, she didn't know what I was feeling and what a sort of relief it was to have fun with someone that didn't know every horrible detail of my life. She would never really understand what it felt like feeling so hollow and trying to escape from it. It wasn't that she didn't have her own painful memories to deal with. It just always felt like she dealt with the bad memories in much healthier way than I ever could.

Lissa raised her dark brows incredulously. "All the guys you've been with over the years and this is the first one that you think is just like you?"

"Yes, actually. The other guys were in it just for the sex just like I was, for the easy fun, but this was more...intense. Maybe because he was older..." I surmised.

"How old?" Lissa pressed, concern lacing her voice.

"Not _that_ old. I meant he wasn't just messing around. He was a man than knew what he wanted and, even better, cared about what I wanted. He knew what he was doing."

"So your other one night stands, hookups, whatever, didn't know what they were doing?" Lissa kind of laughed.

"Some of them eventually figured it out after a few awkward and unpleasant tries but it took them awhile."

"So is that what this is about? Finding the perfect stranger that knows how to make you feel good?"

That was part of it, I guess, but not really. I knew Liss wouldn't get it.

"You just don't get it," I sighed solemnly.

"You're right, I don't get it. I don't understand why you go out looking for trouble or take this big risks that could put you in danger. You were in the same class as I was when we had sex-ed. It wasn't explained differently to you than it was to me, you know the physical, emotional, and mental risks of sexual encounters like this! You could get an STD, end up pregnant, become depressed and die," she listed, counting off each of the potential risks on her perfectly manicured fingers. "I just don't understand why you do this to yourself!I don't get how you use your body to try to make whatever's going on inside your head feel better." It wasn't about feeling better. It was about ignoring everything inside of me completely. Could that be what was so different with Dimitri? He didn't just distract me from my problems. He made me feel good, great even. I actually felt kind of...okay for once.

"You're being overdramatic."

"No, I'm being overprotective," Lissa sighed and then she sat ramrod straight as though something just occurred to her. She turned suddenly to sit on her knees so that her entire body was facing me. "Are you like this because...because of what happened...because of...is this because of Janine?"

I felt my body twitch and hoped Liss didn't notice my reaction. I opened my eyes, not realizing I had closed them the moment the words left Liss's mouth. Whatever confusions, annoyance, and outrage that plagued her before completely disappeared from her face as she sat there, gauging my reaction waiting for a response. The silence was suddenly so deafening and long, time standing still. She knew the rules, unspoken though they may be. We didn't talk about this. We don't talk about _her_. The past was just that, the past, meant to be forgotten and never brought up again.

"No more trying to psychoanalyze. No more therapy or lecturing or chastising or whatever this is," I said in a tone that I hoped could only be interpreted as final. "I'm really tired," I said, hoping she use that as a opportunity to leave and forget she brought up the very thing I struggle damn hard to forget about on a daily basis.

She didn't. She was still kneeling beside me. I wasn't looking at her anymore. I couldn't. If I did she'd be able to see it, the pain in my eyes, the barely there thread of sanity that was hardly keeping me together. I focused on the blank walls of my bedroom, fighting the urge the blink in case any tears decided to squeeze themselves out. Lissa just sat there, quiet probably trying to decided whether she could push the issue without making me shut down any more than I already had by bringing it up in the first place.

I want her to leave. I need her to leave. I need to sleep, to push away all the thoughts and memories her words evoked; push them into the nice tiny space I stored them in the back of my mind where I forgot about them if I tried hard enough. And boy have I been trying.

"Rose..."

I felt her shift and from the corner of my eye I could see her hand reaching out for me. I didn't mean to pull myself away so quickly but before I could even think about how much it would hurt her, I slid off the bed, leaving her sitting there stunned and frowning.

"You know what, this whole thing is being blown way out of proportion and I'm not really in the mood for anymore of these heart-to-hearts." I headed for my small closet, pulling out fresh clothes to change into once I showered. I could see Lissa reflected in the small mirror beside the closet door. She was as stiff as a statue, her mouth open as though an apology was ready to fall from her lips the moment she got the right words together. "Are we done here?"

My tone was curt and blunt. I knew it but I couldn't help it. I need her to leave. Once I have a little time to myself to pull the pieces that her words shattered back together, I'll be well enough to pretend it didn't happen and move on from it. She stood from the bed and headed for the door. She hesitated a second but I was already closing my bathroom door, shutting her out and locking myself in, allowing my unshed tears to fall.

* * *

 ** _A/N: Sorry dudes, for the late post (and the fact that there's lack of a Dimitri). I thought about having both of their perspectives in each chapter but I settled for alternating POVs. For the most part anyway. Your love and appreciation for this story knows no bounds! You guys rock. Til next time!_**


	7. January And All Its Problems: Dimitri

**Dimitri**

 _ **January...**_

 _"Take care of yourself, Dimitri."_

As loud as the words resonated in my head they may as well have been playing through my earphones. I stopped, mid jog, bending at the waist to catch my breath and stretch. Endorphins pumping through my veins, running was the one time of day when my mind was at ease. The exercise diverted my thoughts, the adrenaline of running, the loss of breath, and the pump and burn of my legs felt great keeping me happily distracted. Unfortunately, as of late, my method wasn't working. I couldn't shut my brain down the way I used to. More specifically, I couldn't stop thinking about Rose and her parting words.

"What the hell is wrong with you, Dimitri?" I muttered to myself. That was the million dollar question. I knew the answer: everything. _Everything_ is wrong with me. I know how to fix it too and it isn't by running. I just can't bring myself to do it.

I push myself to run on the way back home, hoping if I move fast enough I can leave all of my problems behind on the beach. I doubt it'll work but it's worth a shot, no matter how insane it sounds. I didn't realize how far I had jogged from until I see that nearly two and a half hours have passed since I started for home. Was I that lost in my thoughts to not have noticed? How long were the aftereffects of Rose's words going to linger? A part of me didn't mind that her words were echoing around in my head but a bigger part of me wanted to forget it all: what she said, the night we spent together, the confusing morning after. It wasn't healthy, how conflicting I felt about all this and the fact that I was trying to subdue it all. I did a psych rotation during med school. I know that suppression of unpleasant or difficult memories isn't healthy. I can't help it. It's become a habit that I am well skilled in. I should have sat down and taken the sudden free time I had to figure out a way to fix it, to repair everything. What did I do instead? What I do best: kept myself busy so I could I avoid it all.

It had been nearly a full week since that morning that went from pleasantly comfortable to coolly distant. I couldn't shake thoughts of Rose or what she said, as insignificant as it may have been. It occurred to me that I could be reading too much into the situation but I didn't think that was the case here. There was something...different, something about the time we'd spent together that I couldn't shake off no matter how hard I tried so I didn't give myself much time to contemplate.

It took some time but I slowly got myself back into the routine of things. Jogging in the morning - and at night if I couldn't sleep a - along the familiar rock path that outlined my house and the cliffs around it. I went to work around the house, cleaning, laundry, unpacking and removing the protective covers from the little bit of furniture I had stored away. I stood back and surveyed the house in its entirety. The place didn't look any more lived in than it had while I had been away but it was mine, my refuge. I kept myself on the go, dodging calls, except for Ivan's persistent daily check-in's and Tasha's occasional reprimands as to why I haven't contacted my family. I said I would. I didn't make any promises as to when. I'd think about that later which, in my case, meant never.

I even dragged myself into town to restart my mail, went to the mechanic to have my car looked over, did a little grocery shopping - food and alcohol to keep me sated and alive - and replacing clothes that had been ruined during my time abroad. I even stopped being a recluse long enough to hangout with Ivan's brother Jesse when he helped me move some furniture for a little extra cash when I couldn't get a hold of Ivan. I occupied myself with whatever small activity I could think of. As soon as I finished up the last of the paperwork officiating my request for time off from assignment abroad, it hit me that I didn't know what it was exactly that I wanted to do with so much time to burn. Luckily, I had Ivan to solve that little problem. He let me get away with the excuse that I needed time to settle in until the eighth day of my self-imposed exile. Which happened to be today.

"We are going out tonight," he greeted as I slowed to a walk up the back steps to my house. He was leaning against the banister, arms crossed over his crisp dress shirt, his tow-colored hair blowing gently in the breeze. He looked every bit the stoic model he claimed he would have been if his parent's hadn't threatened to disown him. Looking at him now after nearly two years, face-to-face, I realized I sort of almost missed him. I couldn't tell him that though. His egocentric arrogance would never let me live it down.

"Oh, are we?"

The only plan I had was drinking myself into complete oblivion. None of the fun drunkenness Ivan probably had in mind. I wanted my usual nightly dose of alcohol, enough to either knock me out cold or just stop the flurry of activity in my head. Healthy? No. Not even close. But a temporary sedative to all of my problems? Yes.

"Yes we are," he replied, camera ready smile still in place. "I've been a good sport. I've been patient," he continued. "I gave you your space-"

"You called me everyday," I pointed out, stepping around him so I could make my way into the house towards the kitchen where a cool bottle of water was calling my name. I untangled my earphones from around my neck and set my phone on the counter where there were two missed calls from him that I had somehow missed.

"Like I always do," he confirmed.

"And we _Skyped_ when you couldn't find an outfit to wear on your date the other night," I reminded him.

"They were models!" he exclaimed sitting at the counter.

"'They'?" I laughed, though I shouldn't have been surprised.

" _Swedish_ models," he stressed as I chugged my water. "I had to dress to impress."

"I'm going to try and forget you said that."

"I will erase that phrase from my vocabulary if you come out with me tonight," he pressed.

"You're either oblivious to the disinterest on my face or you're choosing to ignore it," I mumbled.

"The latter," he admitted with a shrug. "I have to ignore it! I can feel the strength of our friendship dwindling away as we speak," he exaggerated.

I snorted. Everything was either life or death to Ivan.

"I haven't been able to get rid of you for the last thirty-one years," I reminded him. "Our friendship clearly isn't going to fade the easily."

"It's been two years since our last brangout!"

"A what?" I asked, fearing it was some kind of sex thing.

"Bro-hangout," he explains as though his made up word should have been obvious.

"It's a new trend I'm starting."

"I'm encouraging you not to," I plead. "And I'm a little worn out from my run. Maybe we can brangout... _hangout_ ," I corrected myself, already hating that the word escaped from my mouth.

"You sound like an old man. We used to go out every night!"

"Dare I say we're getting older," I taunted choosing to ignore that he used 'brangout' again. I fought laughter at the reaction on Ivan's face. He looked absolutely horrified at the possibility of aging. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes as though he couldn't bring himself to look at me right then.

"I'm going to pretend you didn't just say that. I'll forget it completely if you buy the first round of drinks tonight."

"And what if I were to tell you that I don't feel like going out tonight?"

Or any night. Anytime soon. Again, Ivan's expression mirrored one of horror at the thought of someone—especially his partner in crime involving all acts of debauchery—choosing not to drink on a Friday night.

"I'd say that's the second time in less than a minute that you've threatened the basis of our friendship and that I might have to call my brother in as a temporary replacement best friend while you think about how you've offended our friendship."

"You've been threatening to replace me with Jesse since Kindergarten when he was just starting preschool," I pointed out amused as I settled myself on a stool. "I think my status as best friend is secure enough for me to turn you down."

"You've been turning me down a lot lately. Is there someone else?" Ivan asked.

At this, I had to laugh outright despite the funky mood I'd spent most of the week in. Our friendship over the years was often compared to that of a married couple's. Jesse especially got a kick out of bringing up that fact that their "relationship" resembled that of a disgruntled elderly couple's. I knew on some level that there was some truth to the comparison but I'd never concede to it out loud. It was conversations like this where I could see it for myself.

"Yes, Ivan, I've been hanging out with other guys behind your back."

I was joking but Ivan continued on anyway, throwing his hands up dramatically and everything.

"You've been hanging out with Jesse without me haven't you? He told me you two went to Costco a couple of days ago but I didn't believe him. I see how it is," he finished, shooting squinty-eyed daggers at me.

"My car was in the shop, his truck was big enough to hold the new bookshelf I bought and I needed help carrying it," I explained, feeling much like I was trying to placate an angry, jealous wife. I leaned back, closing my eyes, ready to drift off for a quick nap. "Besides, I only called him because you didn't answer your phone."

"The one time I don't answer. Excuses," Ivan muttered, seemingly unsatisfied with the explanation. "None of that explains why he stayed to have beer and watch the game."

"I invited him to. We were bonding without you," I sighed, resigning myself to humoring Ivan. "The truth is out now. I let him come between us. He has a bigger TV that he loaned me until I can buy one and he cooks. He tempted me into straying from you."

"What does he have that I don't?"

"Other than the truck, the TV, the cooking, and that he can read social cues? For example, I am sitting here with my eyes closed, obviously exhausted and you're still trying to get me to go out to some bar tonight."

Ivan exhaled and for a moment, I thought I'd get away with not going out tonight. "Alright fine. You're tired. But it's you're own fault. We can go to dinner first and then a bar." I barely repressed the urge to roll my eyes. I should have known better.

"If you can make time for Jesse, you can make time for me," he reasoned.

"That was obviously different," I argued. He gave up on having a quick nap with Ivan sitting there. "I needed his help. You just want to go out and have me as your wing-man."

"True," he admitted. "But I also know that if I don't get you out of this house, you'll hide out for as long as humanly possible with minimal contact with the outside world, a nice case of beer as your only companion."

I leaned back against my seat wondering how out of sorts I must seem lately to make Ivan worry so much. He's more observant than I give him credit for.

"That surprised look on your face is kind of insulting," he says in a tone a lot softer than the one he came in with. "Do you really think I don't pay attention?"

"Well since you're paying attention, you should understand why I don't feel like going out tonight."

Ivan shook his head. "I understand completely but no. I'm not letting you get away with this. You always get yourself into trouble when you're like this. And by trouble I mean women."

Here we go again, Dimitri thought. This time he wasn't as successful at suppressing his eye-roll.

"See what I did there?" Ivan chuckled at himself. "Into trouble? Into women?" He continued to laugh at his own wit until I interrupted.

"Do you know why I choose to either stay alone or looking for random women? To avoid conversations like this."

"So is that what you're going to do tonight? You're going to stay home, pour yourself some Vodka, maybe even drink straight from the bottle, and maybe call some random hookup?"

I actually hadn't thought about that. Women and sex hadn't been anywhere on my radar with the exception of Rose and I was sure I was never going to see her again. Honestly, I just wanted to be alone but Ivan's guess about how I planned on spending my night - and the rest of my life if I could - wasn't that far off when it came to the drinking part. Again, I know, not healthy. I manage my drinking better than my father ever had. It never got out of hand. Ivan had nothing to worry about.

"That's the plan," I finally answered.

He pushed himself up from his stool and started inching at snail's pace out of the kitchen.

"Okay fine. I'm obviously not going to deter you from your plans. I'll just go by myself to some seedy bar. Alone."

"Wouldn't be the first time."

Ivan ignored that.

"Guess I'll just go then," he said louder, barely having backed himself past the kitchen entrance. "By my lonesome."

"I'm sure you'll call," I shouted back, unworried. He wasn't going anywhere until I went with him. There was no way I was winning this fight but why pass up an opportunity to mess with him.

"You're gonna miss me."

"Two years abroad without you, Ivan. I think I'll survive."

He stopped walking completely, arms crossed, face scrunched into a frown.

"Are you trying to tell me you didn't miss _this_ face?" He gestured to his face, smiling so big that his cheeks squished his baby blues shut. "I don't buy it."

"It's hard to miss someone you talk to everyday."

"Deny it all you want, but you missed me."

Maybe. A bit. He can't know. If his ego is this big now, I can only imagine how inflated it would become with such an admission.

"And since you missed me," he continues though I didn't say anything. He's always been able to carry a conversation on his own. "And you owe me quality time, we can kill two birds with one stone and have ourselves a good old fashion _brangout_!"

"Just like in the old days."

"When have we ever used the word 'brangout' and why are you using it so much now?"

"Fine. I'll agree to rethink my new slang on two conditions: dress your best for success to impress and agree to spend some one on one bro time. And as a bonus, we can maybe go do some karaoke."

"Why does that sound more like a threat," I groaned, rolling my eyes even as I started heading toward my room to shower and change. He wasn't letting me out this. "Alright, Dr. Seuss, stop rhyming and I'll go."

"Never doubted you wouldn't," he grinned smugly.

"Is there any point in me telling you I don't want to?" I called back.

"Nope," he answered as he settled himself on the couch in the living room, cell phone in hand.

Twenty minutes later I was showered and dressed. Ivan was right where I left him, pecking away at the screen on his phone.

"I invited Tash, since she wanted to see you too but she's having dinner with her family or something and said she'd catch up with us some other time." Thank goodness. I didn't think I could handle an interrogation/reprimand from _both_ of them. Not at the same time. There was only so much I could say without having go too deep into things. "But Jess is hanging out with his frat downtown at some bar where the beers are cold and the women are easy. He might meet up with us," he explained as we headed out the door and climbed into my car. Jesse was no problem. The guy hardly spoke and when he did he kept it short, simple, and on neutral topics like sports and the weather. It was beautiful.

"What happened to our one on one quality time?" I asked amused as I pulled out onto the road. "I thought the whole point of tonight was to get me away from the temptation of my vices."

"Doesn't mean we can't appreciate whatever eye candy we come across at the bar."

"A bar with an abundance of women that are supposedly 'easy' and you're only going to look?" I laughed in disbelief.

He hesitated for only second to think it over. Chasing after women was basically a hobby for him. Even if his sole intentions tonight were to get me out and about. "Yes," Ivan answered slowly as though it was painful.

"We can always go our separate ways if you meet someone, Ivan," I pointed out, completely okay if this hangout came to an end early. I just wasn't feeling in the mood. Especially considering what happened the last time I went to a bar.

"Nope. Tonight is a guy's night out. I will look but won't touch. Bros over hoes. Dicks before chicks," he exclaimed excitedly. "It'll be fun. And you kind of owe me."

"How do you figure?"

"You decided to suddenly leave the country for two years and didn't tell me until you were already on the plane," he replied instantly. There wasn't any malice in his tone but for that split second, he wasn't his jovial self. I couldn't blame him really. My decision to leave had been unexpected, selfish, and didn't include Ivan in anyway. I should have apologized. It was the perfect time to. The words just wouldn't come. "Consider this night as the start of your atonement for not only leaving but also for avoiding all of us for so long when you came back."

"I've only been back about a week."

"A week where you didn't call anyone, not once."

"I answered your calls-"

"Because I called you, D. Tasha too. It would have been nice if you reached out first."

I couldn't argue against that. Avoidance was my number one priority this entire week...and most of my life. But Ivan knew me just as well as I know him which is how I know he wasn't going to let me get away with evading my problems for so long. Or even lying about it. I had kind of been hoping to have a beer in my hand before we talked about all this - why I suddenly left for two years abroad, my family, why I suddenly came back and took a leave of absence - but it looks like he isn't giving me any more chances to escape talking about this. I always thought it was some sort of unspoken guy code that guys don't talk about their feelings but I was friends with the one guy in the world who liked to talk about what was going on our lives other than sports and women. Lucky me.

"Really? Nothing to say? Not even an apology?" he asked when I still hadn't spoken. "None of that b.s. about needing time to assimilate, needing space? You ran out of excuses?" he pressed, the irritation clear in his tone. Ivan was always a lighthearted guy, open and honest about everything. It wasn't asking too much that he expected the same from me. I just didn't know what to say. Apologies aren't my forte.

"Let me get a few drinks into my system before we get into this," I tried to negotiate.

"So that you can stall for time and think of more excuses?"

"Yes," I admitted.

He exhaled a laugh through his nostrils, shaking his head as he turned away toward the window.

"Look, tonight you wanted to catch up and fill me in on everything going on but nothing about..." I trailed off. It was clear what I was talking about it.

"You can't even say it? Your family?"

I pulled the car into the lot of the bar we were headed to and turned off the engine. "It's been a long two years, I'm still tired and jet lagged and I'm trying to get all of my stuff in order before I try and deal with them. Is that okay with you?"

I didn't mean to snap but it was already out there. If he was surprised or offended by my sudden change in tone he didn't show it. He watched me expressionlessly as I climbed out of the truck and headed toward the entrance. Whether Ivan decided to continue this _brangout_ or not, I was going to need a drink or five.

We walked into what I initially thought was a hole-in-the-wall in one of the seedier parts of town, a lot bigger inside that it looked on the outside. I spotted Jesse's honey blonde hair already seated at the bar with two glasses of beer in front of him, one of them empty. He was leaning over the counter talking to one of the two bartenders tending to the crowd that was a mix of rowdy college kids, the occasional biker, a few regulars, a few women that looked like hookers in one corner, and an older crowd of middle aged folks - a mix of lonely souls looking to get laid, drunk or both - that appeared as though this was their home away from home. I left the shelter of my home for this?

Ivan appeared beside me in the doorway before we went in.

"Alright, no family talk tonight," he conceded. "For now."

"Good."

"Let's talk women then and by that I mean whoever the lucky lady was that offered you a welcome back party in the sheets."

Definitely not. That was a whole other situation I didn't want to dwell on either. My face must have said it all because Ivan didn't press the issue.

"Fine. We'll put that in the 'We'll Talk About It Later' column too."

"Agreed," I said, hoping later could be pushed all the way to never.

"We'll just have a good time tonight."

I nodded gruffly as we went inside, already regretting having come here but resolved to catch up with my friends. We sat down at the bar with Jesse and I, admittedly, had a pretty okay time. Ivan and Jess were the among very few people in the world who could make me laugh and they did and it felt pretty good. There was a huge elephant in the room that we were dancing around, my being gone for so long, but none of us brought it up or talked about it. Jesse regaled us with stories of what it was like being in a fraternity and his last year of college while Ivan filled me in on his sex life and how he was still spending his free time putting off practicing law the way his parents wanted him to. Everything was basically the same as when I left. The only difference seemed to be me. It wasn't anything obvious or physically different about me except for the fact that I grew my hair out and didn't use a shaver as often as I used to. I just felt different, out of place in a area I once thought could be home.

Ivan and Jesse were both on their third round of beers, contemplating a fourth, when a group of Jesse's college friends came over to join us. They were loud, rowdy, and having fun the way people should when their out for a night on the town. I just wasn't feeling it. I had cooled down considerably since first walking in here but I'd had enough. I was never the type to enjoy bar hopping, only going along with Ivan because he did his best to ensure I wasn't living my life as a recluse. I always felt like I had too much on my mind to truly let loose so it was best if I spent my time alone.

"I think I'm going to head out," I told Ivan, just as everyone was starting to make plans to go to some nightclub. Before he could protest, Jesse, thankfully stepped in.

"He's done his time for the night, bro. Let him go." I knew I liked this kid.

Ivan's face scrunched up. He hated when it was two against one. I worried he was going to fight me on this but two of the scantily clad sorority girls called out to him from where they were headed towards a waiting Lyft, asking if he was coming along.

"Yes he is," I answered for him. I clapped him on the back, shoving him their way. "Consider bro night a success. You got me out of the house. Baby steps."

"Fine," he conceded. "Next time, you're staying the entire night out with us. I'm talking from sun down to sun up!"

"Deal," I agreed. Not only because I definitely owed him more than that and he was letting me off easy, but also because he was already a little buzzed and most likely wouldn't remember any of this conversation tomorrow.

They went their way while I went another. I strolled past my car and out on the street, mixing with the sidewalk traffic that was headed every which-way, mostly towards the restaurants and bars while families idled along through the outdoors mall a ways down. I was still adjusting to having so much time to myself, not rushing from one rural village to another, running through bustling metropolises to the countryside delivering medications and treatments to those who couldn't reach it; it was odd watching so much life and liveliness after having spent the better part of two years watching men, women, and children fall ill and die from lack resources that was so easily accessible here. It wasn't all illness, exhaustion, and death. There were more days than not that I spent getting to know the villages I drifted in and out of and the world around them, including the people. It was some of the most difficult work I'd ever done, it had its high and low points, but it was time I had needed to myself, a reprieve from the problems around me. In a sense, it was good to be back with only myself to focus on but it was also disconcerting. After two years of avoiding my problems and distracting myself, what do I do now?

Despite having declined the invitation to socialize with other people, spending the night on my own didn't sound as fulfilling as I thought it would now that I was solo. Sitting or dancing in a loud club surrounded by strangers or with Ivan and Jesse - who knew my problems and that I was avoiding them - wasn't appealing. Going home alone was a stark contrast to the last time I left a bar. I hadn't wanted to be alone then. In a rare deviation from my usual preference of solitude, I had craved company, a night spent distracted by a beautiful woman who came across as lonely and lost as I felt at times. It was a comforting reminder that I wasn't the only lost soul in the world. Losing myself in someone else whose life was straying off course was a short lived remedy, a temporary salve on my aching internal wounds, that I suddenly longed for.

My phone vibrated in my pocket. A picture from Ivan appeared on the screen with he, Jesse, and some of the fraternity brothers I met, covered in confetti and scarcely dressed women. I'm glad some people knew how to enjoy life and have a good time. The clock on the top of my screen read that at least an hour had passed since I'd started walking. I looked up and around, noticing I had drifted away from the nightlife part of town and was surrounded by lesser up-kept buildings, stores that were closed for the night and one solitary church. I hadn't attended church since I was kid, never having believed much in higher beings and deities. The soft glow of light spilling from out the church doors drew me in. It wasn't a very large church with only a handful of pews nestled on each side of the nave, the pulpit aligned with and illuminated by small candles. There was a couple praying quietly at the end of the first pew and three separate individuals spread out among the rows. I felt like I was intruding on the private prayers and silent reflection these petitioners were seeking but I also wasn't quite ready to leave just yet. I backed down the center aisle, contemplating just taking a minute to settle into the last row, when I saw her.

In a city as large as this one, what are the odds? Factor in that I had spent the majority of my walk here thinking about here. The likelihood of running into her here is astonishing. I almost don't believe it. Maybe the couple of beers I had inebriated me more than I thought. I leaned forward, stepping a little closer. The church's lackluster lighting notwithstanding, I saw that it was definitely the same raven-haired beauty. Her lustrous strands were messily tied back exposing her soft cheekbones, small bulb nose, and her full rouge colored lips all nestled on her round face. She sat slumped forward, her shoulders hunched, fiddling with something small in her hands. She was the picture of someone that to all appearances wouldn't want to be approached. Regardless, I couldn't force myself to leave.

I sat at the end of the row behind her. Sitting inside the solemn church where the only sound came from the flicker of the candles and the silent murmurs of the other patrons brought back all the memories of being herded to services every chance we could. The church back home was twice as large as this one, even though we lived in a small town, and always filled to the brim with people, day and night any day of the week. Services were always too long and tedious for me to enjoy or even listen to. My grandmother would say church was a safe haven from the bad in the world, a quiet respite for reflection, but it never felt that way. It was never quiet and certainly never safe. Especially when my father, some of the bad in the world, was allowed in there.

This house of worship was far from grandiose but it was tranquil. This was the type of place one could find comfort in if they were looking for it. Rose seemed to be. She lifted her hands to her face once and then again, swiping at her cheeks two more times before it occurred to me that she was crying. The straight forward woman I first came across at the bar was subdued and dispirited. I may have only known Rose for a night and some change but I saw a few sides of her personality that night - hardened, abashed, flirtatious, witty; Rose with silent tears streaming down her flushed cheeks just didn't seem fitting.

I should have left. It wasn't my place to disturb the peace or comfort that was looking for nor to witness her open emotions. I knew everything there was to know about seeking shelter from your problems, wanting to shield oneself and hide. That seemed to be what Rose was doing, sitting in a small church alone and crying. I should have left her to it.

I couldn't.

I leaned forward in my pew, scooting to the edge of the creaky wooden bench. I had a couple of napkins from the bar in my pocket. I dug them out and held them out. Having seen me in her peripheral, she jumped slightly, her head whipping around to face me. I was right. She had crying. Her eyes were puffy and her nose red. She sniffled and swiped at her face with her sleeve. Her swollen gaze widened as she recognized me, her lips silently muttering what I think was my name. Those glimmering ebony eyes shifted from surprised to confused as they darted from me to the napkins I was offering. After another quiet minute passed she took them, murmuring her thanks as she turned away from me, facing forward as she dabbed at her face.

"What are you..."

"Doing here?" I guessed. That was a good question. "I have no idea," I honestly admitted. "I was sort of just wandering and ended up here."

Her eyes squinted as disbelief colored her voice. "You were wandering in the Downtown South District on a Friday night and ended up in a church _I_ happened to be in?"

"Sounds crazy when you say it like that."

She gaze a soft snort, rolling her eyes. "Yeah it does. I'd say you were somehow stalking me if I hadn't ended up here the same way."

I leaned my forearms against the pews in front of me, making it easier for us to talk and keeping our voices low. "Oh yeah? You wander in parts of the city that are closed for the night and sit in random churches too? Finally, someone I share this in common with."

That earned me a soft but sad smile. She balled the napkins up in her hands, along with whatever she'd been holding before. She sagged against the back of the pew, resting her head on her propped up arm. She wore tiredness the same way she wore the smudge makeup on her face, her naturally tanned face drained of color save for the flush of her cheeks and swell of her nose and eyes. The scratch to her face was faded and barely visible. Still, she was a beauty.

"I didn't really figure you as the church going type," she murmured. She closed her eyes as she spoke as though she just needed a moment to rest.

"I could say the same about you."

She gave a soft laugh. "I was looking for a Denny's and got lost."

It was my turn to laugh, careful no to disrupt those who weren't making small talk with their one-night stands they never thought they'd see again. She opened her eyes, seemingly as surprised by the sound escaping me as I was.

"Couldn't find Denny's so you settled for prayer."

Her lips spread into a greater smile than before. "Clearly." She pushed a few loose strands from her face, her stare slowly roaming around the dilapidated church around us. It wasn't much but it was nice in it's own way, appreciated for what it offered. I'm sure of it allowed myself to, I could find contentment here.

"I used to go all the time with my family," I admitted suddenly.

Her eyes focused back on me. "To Denny's?"

"To church," I answered, fighting a smile.

"Me too," she said so softly I almost didn't catch it. There was a wistfulness to her tone. Were questionable memories and pessimistic opinions regarding church something else we had in common? "Did you go willingly or did your parents make you?"

"Does any kid go to church willingly?"

"Good point."

"My mother was the most frequent enforcer."

"Lemme guess: single mother, worked hard to support the family on her own? Relied on the church to guide you in the right direction when she was unable to because you didn't have a stable father figure in your life?"

My brows rose, impressed.

"You're actually pretty spot on."

She sighed, and spoke dryly. "Yeah, well one product of a single mother and deadbeat dad can spot another a mile away."

So I was right. Her personal family life sounded about as stable as my own. If the morning after our night together hadn't gone south so fast, we would have talked as comfortably and openly as we were speaking now? I'd like to think so. There was a sense of ease in the air. I almost felt bad that I had shut Ivan down so quickly. My closest friend for years and I couldn't even say the word 'family' without worrying he'd want me to dissect and discuss every aspect of my situation. I open up to one gorgeous girl, twice, and suddenly I'm giving her the History of the Belikovs, Volume One.

It didn't seem right but it certainly felt that way. Though I was the first to push her away all those mornings ago, I didn't want, this, tonight to end. Not yet. It was selfish, insensitive, and presumptuous of me but I couldn't help it. I wanted this again. I wanted her.

"I'll tell you what, I'll make a deal with you, one wandering soul with a troubled childhood to another."

She leaned up from her perch on the pew, both intrigued and wary. "Okay, spill."

"If you can guess whether or not I have siblings, I'll take you to Denny's."

Immediately her hesitation was obvious, wariness flitted across her face. I couldn't blame her. I had pushed her away, ruining the blanket of comfort we'd been under that morning she left my house. And now here I was propositioning her for another potential night together. If it was me in her place, I might have walked away, maybe even slapped me for being so presumptuous and taking advantage of the fact that she seemed to be at yet another low point, crying alone in a rundown church. I would have taken it, anything she threw at me, and let her walk away. I hoped she wouldn't but I wouldn't hold it against her if she did. What right what I have to?

She didn't, though. Not yet anyway. She sat unblinkingly, her eyes flitting slowly across my face as though she was taking me, trying to discern or decipher my end goal here. She had every right to. I just hoped I could persuade her to come with me despite whatever she may have found in her appraisal.

"Since you can't seem to find your way," I added when she still hadn't given me a reply. As I'd hoped, her expression softened and her wary gaze melted. A gentle smile graced her full lips and she laughed outright, covering her mouth with her hands to keep the noise from escaping. Her laughter was buried in the long sleeves blanketing her hands. I wanted to hear it loud and unimpeded. I had to get her out of here with me. Anywhere. We could go anywhere, do anything she wanted, as long as this didn't end right away.

"I _would_ like the company," she whispered softly as she considered it. "Dinner's completely on you?"

"I'll even throw in desert."

My heart thudded in my chest, blood pumping in my veins they way they had during my run this morning. A different kind of adrenaline was coursing through me in anticipation of her decision. She nodded so imperceptibly I almost didn't catch it. "Challenge accepted."

* * *

 _ **A/N: I'm super duper delighted you guys are**_ _ **enjoying things so far! I'm sorry I don't update as often as I'd like but real life gets in the way and it doesn't help that I'm a stickler for making each chapter flow as natural as I possibly can (even if it doesn't turn out that well but I do my best). Just a heads up again, I do tend to go back and edit previous chapters so if you see an update but there's nothing new, that's why. Also, fanfic is giving me some trouble posting new chapters so sorry about that! Thanks again for reading and the next chapter will be up soon!**_


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